the OTHER mother

The Mice Did Play

In a small town in Arkansas, my family celebrated Thanksgiving, a birthday, and Chanukkah all in 5 days.  That can be my thesis statement. 

Pearl seemed happier than ever.  She loved playing with her cousins.  While we were away, she

• watched Barney for the first time (she loved it) (she also loves every television show ever made)
• ate new foods (new to her) such as spaghetti and cheese grits
• showed us that her two top teeth have finally started emerging from her gums
• and other everyday miracles that have recently become part of the fabric of our days.

My parents live in the town I grew up in.  That means that when we visit, we sleep in the room that was my bedroom since I was five.  Pearl has met dozens of people whom I've known most of my life, including my second grade teacher and families that we vacationed with when I was a kid. 

Friends "drop in" constantly.  Sometimes they only stay a few minutes.  Sometimes they will sit down long enough for a cup of coffee.  We hear the local news, and there's always plenty.  My mom always reminds me that there's nothing on TV that hasn't already happened in our town, and she is right.  She wants me to write a novel about it.  Despite the anti-gay amendment that recently passed in Arkansas, they treat Marcia as family too.   

It's a powerful sensation to feel that you are home again, that you are known in terms as long as your own life.  In some ways it can feel oppressive, but in the postmodern age, there's also something very safe and reassuring about our family visits.

promissory note

We are back home, finally.  Landed on a wet runway in Houston last night.  I'm jotting a quickie to promise you a more detailed report a.s.a.p.  I swear!

DotMoms Make a Big Splash

As one the DotMoms, I'm excited to let you know about the new Tech-Talk news story on NBC-TV.  It's about Blogging Mommies.  Maybe you'll see it on your local news this week. 

DotMoms is an international group of mothers.  We share our experiences through blogging.  Many of us have our own personal blogs, and we also contribute to the group's blog.  Julie, the founder and editor, does a great job with the project.  Recently she launched a local DotMoms group in the Tampa area.  And the new banner, it's cool.

The Dirty Dozen: 12 Details from the Weekend

--> attempted to conquer a veritable Everest of laundry

--> placated (with varying levels of success) an irritable baby and who knows why? is it teething, allergies, insect bites, rainy day syndrome?  we wondered and wondered....

--> discovered a new DEET-free insect repellent that smells less like a chemicalized lemon and more like a cinnamon stick

--> watched in awe as baby Pearl stood on her own holding onto mid-air for at least 10 seconds

--> went to the movies for the first time in 5 months

--> loved the Huckabees movie and was the only one laughing in the theater any number of times

--> examined a Stokke KinderZeat at a store in Rice Village

--> bought some warm clothes for our girl to wear on our 2 upcoming trips to places with winter

--> bought an autographed copy of Rat Bohemia by Sarah Schulman for $10

--> caught Pearl using her sign language (More! More!) for the first time

That's my report. Feel free to add your own list in the comments section below.

Little Picassos

One of my great great loves on this planet earth is the art that children make.  Here is a painting by a four-year-old named Marla Olmstead.  It's a beauty.

Do you remember that scene is Six Degrees of Separation when the Donald Sutherland character, an art dealer, dreams about the fabulous paintings made by kids in kindergarten?  He asks the teacher, what is your secret?  Why are the children all so talented?  Is every child a genius?  The teacher tells him that the secret is that she removes the painting from the children before they think they are finished.

That's the character's dream, mind you. He is an art dealer; he thinks there is a secret.  I guess I'd say that if there is a secret, it's something wonderful to be enjoyed perhaps more than to be understood. 

The World According To You

Here's a question that has nothing to do with the kids, but what the hell, yes?  What's your favorite lesbian novel?  I have fond memories of The Sea of Light by Jenifer Levin and Written on the Body by Jeanette Winterson.  If you have more than one to recommend, feel free to submit a list.  You need not be gay to play!

Childproofer's Paradise (to the tune of Thug's Mansion)

Here is our baby, more curious by the day.  She wants to know: what's inside these closed-door cabinets?  What's on the top of the coffee table that's just my height?

There are some advantages to being gay.  You can share clothes, for example.  In our rainbow family, however, one of the challenges that crops up on a regular basis is this:  We have no handyman between us.  We have no hard skills.  We are soft, soft, soft.  The only tool in our toolkit is superglue. 

And the trickier parts of childproofing are suddenly looming before us like ogres and not the cute ogres like Shrek II either.  The to-do list for this weekend looks a little scary.  Boo!

Match Made in Heaven

So many self-help books have been written to help us poor American adults find the perfect relationship.  We think and fret and cry and go to therapy.  We get so desparate.  We ask ourselves, what I'm I striving for in my search for Ms./Mr. Right-oh?  We look for a model. 

Well, look no further.  In the vein of

Jack Sprat could eat no fat, his wife could eat no lean...

I have discovered a truly symbiotic union right at [and under] my own breakfast table. Child Pearl and Dog Jake have figured it out, my friends. 

In this photo taken from an aerial view, you can see what happens when Pearl decides that the zwieback toast is a bit too bland for her gourmet sensibility.  Delight is mutual.  Big grins all around.

Mach 10

Before our baby arrived, everyone told us the same old things.  The time passes so quicky!  Oh, they grow up before your know it.  Today I must acknowledge the truth of the trite!  It all seems to be happening so fast. 

Last week she learned to clap her hands.  This week she is waving hello.  Suddenly she's curious about every little trinket, a scholar of bric-a-brac.  We're zipping along, a milestone a minute.

Happy Families

Robyn sent me this heartwarming story called "Everyday Dads" about a gay family; it appeared in the New Orleans Times Picayune.  After the discouraging election results earlier this month, I was really pleased to read this.

Maybe Now I *Get* Baby Einstein

We received several of the Baby Einstein videos as gifts before our daughter arrived.  I assumed from the brand name that they were educational in nature, and we were pleased to have them.

Although we're not big on television for ourselves, occasionally we rev up the VCR and let Pearl watch.  This little girl is completely mesmerized by television, and not just Baby Einstein.  She likes anything on TV, and sometimes when the set is off, she shakes it as if to wake it up. 

I'm not sure what I expected the first time I experienced the Baby E phenomenon, but I was definitely surprised.  The ones we have (Bach & Mozart) show toys, often in motion, against a plain background.  So picture this: 20 seconds of watching a top spin, 20 seconds of watching a candle burn,  20 seconds of a lava lamp gurgling, and so on. 

I may have gone to college forever, but I've never taken a psychology course in my life, so if you can explain the developmental aspect of these videos, please do.  I find them puzzling. 

The most perplexing part, though, is when Madame Baby Einstein (Julie Aigner-Clark is her real name) explains at the end of the tape that the series is meant to be INTERACTIVE.  As she enlightens us, we see a parent sitting beside a baby, and as the baby watches a puppet on the TV screen, the parent waves a puppet-covered hand at baby from the other side.  Who would do that?

But this week brought along an epiphany!  Consult the photo above and you will see Baby Pearl touching and tapping the screen, even kissing it on occasion.  She is INTERACTING with the Baby Einstein video.  I guess this is an example of how the younger generation is going to find the answers to our most burning questions.  She sure solved this mystery.

Joy Ride

I've kept a journal since I was 13.  My first journal was an accounting book with vertical columns made with red and black lines.  My mom gave it to me as a gift.  Some days my thoughts are totally trivial, but I like having a space that is truly mine alone. I enjoy the chance to reflect on recent experiences.  It's not a chore for me.  Keeping a journal has added a dimension to my life which is why I have kept doing it all these years.

Sometimes when I'm traveling or when I'm just tired, instead of sentences I jot down a dozen details from my day. 

• Watered the plants with a plastic cup.
• Met some friends at La Fendee for lunch.
• Said no to stuffed grape leaves.
• Sent baby food jars to Rachel via Kat.
• Took Pearl on a walk in her pajamas.
• No empty swings at the park.
• Neighbor Fabian called her an angel.
• Pearl gave Lion a joy ride in her red wagon. 
• Cat peed on the carpet. 
• I'm SO pissed at her.
• Thought about a poem by Robert Creeley.
• Played a video game in the dark.

Have you ever kept a journal?  Add a few details from your last 24 hours of life, if you feel like it.

Private Benjamin?

I notice that many of the moms who blog don't use the child's real name or post photos to the public.  My reason for including both is extended family.  They live scattered around the country and enjoy the updates and pictures.  Now I'm starting to wonder whether it's time to stop after seeing how many of my fellow bloggers have decided not to do it.  I would be interested in hearing how you arrived at your decision.

O Taste & See

Today on the DotMoms blog, you can read something else I wrote about motherhood.

The Blog Explosion

If you want to increase the number of visitors to your blog, you might want to consider joining Blog Explosion.  It's free, and it does work.  Plus you get to see new blogs you might never visit otherwise.

Taking Solace

Today I'm on a scavenger hunt, looking for reasons to be hopeful.  My friend Trish Herrera forwarded this letter from Michael Moore, 17 Reasons Not to Slit Your Wrists.  My current favorite is reason #4:

In spite of Bush's win, the majority of Americans still think the country is headed in the wrong direction (56%), think the war wasn't worth fighting (51%), and don’t approve of the job George W. Bush is doing (52%). (Note to foreigners: Don't try to figure this one out. It's an American thing, like Pop Tarts.)

Political humor is running high right now, especially abroad or in Canada.  Solace comes more quickly via the long distance, I guess.  Please feel free to add your own thoughts or a link in the comment section.

One Red Wagon

I'm still wallowing in some sadness over the election results. I want to write more about that in the next few days. For now, though, I am focusing on the details that bring me joy. Whatever brings Pearl joy, that always works.

Look who got a radio flyer wagon this week! She's able to practice her "walking" as she pushes it around the house. For the moment, she needs a mom at the opposite end as ballast. But you can see her excitement mounting. She will be an independent wagoneer soon enough. Yee ha!

A Discouraging Word

I feel disappointed about the election results. Heavy cloudy skies here, and a buzz stuck in the air.

The Big E

Election Day is finally here, America. I voted early and am waiting as the saga unfolds. I guess optimism rules in the heart of yours truly because I am predicting a win for Kerry-Edwards. Happy Election Day to you!

It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown

Our great babysitter Nellie came through with this pumpkin outfit. True to the halloween spirit, Pearl's first choice in helping unload the dishwasher was to go straight for the knife. That's my girl!

Jake the dog wore a bandana for his cowboy costume. We put our pumpkin in the stroller and visited the neighbors on our block. She's the only child so she got some spirited attention. It was fun, and we got Pearl into bed by her usual bedtime.

I do want to thank Robyn for mentioning the fabulous oyster idea in one of her comments. My blog has gotten about 2 dozen Google hits over the past week with the key words "oyster costume." It's a mad, mad, mad, mad world!