the OTHER mother

Pearl's First Haircut

True confession:  I took 51 pictures of Pearl's first haircut.  Marcia called the salon a few minutes ahead of time to make sure we wouldn't have to wait.

She chose a neighborhood place.  In the neighborhood parent e-group, many parents gave it high marks.  This place is called Venus, and it's only seven blocks from our house.  Houston is known for artcars.  Venus is known for its art hearse.

Like many of us, Pearl is leery of things new and strange.  Her first haircut was no exception. 

The event began easily enough.  An empty seat awaited us. At the Venus salon, every hairdo comes with free Mardi Gras beads.  Pearl was named after a cajun so she was naturally very impressed and pleased about this.  Also the decor of the place is truly a toddler's delight.  The walls abound in curios. 

Juanita got the honor of cutting the curly blonde locks.  She was very gentle and patient.  Pearl sat on Marcia's lap and the leapord spotted smock was big enough for both of them.

Pearl repeated one of her favorite phrases, I DON'T YIKE IT, BABA about a dozen times.  We saw a sad face or two.  But after Marcia pointed out to her that she could watch Juanita cut her hair in the mirror, she was either transfixed or distracted.  And who cares which one it was!

Pearl actually did fine throughout the ten minute episode.  Afterwards Juanita gave her a lollipop. Pearl asked if she could have two.  Juanita pleasantly obliged.  We were very proud of Pearl, and she seemed cautiously proud of herself as well.

Two doors down from the salon, we had sandwiches at Carter & Cooley, an old timey deli.  The boy who took our order turned out to be a former student of Marcia's.  It was a fun outing.  Carrie was there with us, but she slept through the entire thing.

Naming Babies

Over at Stepping on Acorns, everyone is discussing an interesting question.  Flossie asked me about how we arrived at last names for the kiddos.  One parent or both?  To hyphenate or not to hyphenate?  And so on!

We thought about names a great deal and because we are lesbians with no official marriage to force the question, the name conversation didn't come up until we started talking about having a family together.  We eventually decided that since Marcia would be the birth mother, the children would have my (the other mother's) last name.  It seemed like a kind of balancing to us.  Both girls have Marcia's last name as their middle name and my last name as their last name.  In this way our children's names contain the symbolism of the bond between Marcia and me.

Both Marcia and I have long, clunky last names.  Chamberlain-Reagler with a hyphen seemed like an utter impossibility for a child for at least six years!  So we did not use a hyphen.  If we'd had elegant one or two syllable names that sounded lovely together, I think we would have hyphenated.  I like the symbolism of it.  But that was not our particular situation.

I would love to hear how others addressed this situation... or how you will or how you would.

Laugh and the World

...laughs with you. 

The truism is not always true, but it seems to be a fact with baby Carrie.  Her laugh really makes my heart do flips inside.

I, Rambler (2/22/06)

Once again I feel incapable of organizing my thoughts so I'm just going to type some letters and numbers and see what happens.

Carrie/Jojo is 3 months old today.  She smiles and laughs readily and has begun to have "conversations" with us.  She enjoys taking a bath, staring at bright lights, and kissing her fists (when she is able to locate them).

Pearl seems to have experienced a positive turnaround in her attitude toward preschool.  Yesterday she even mentioned her teachers by name.  Usually when someone asks her the teachers names, she says Owen and Serena, her two favorite friends.  She's really honing that toddler humor.

Pearl is talking in ways that are astounding to us.  In the bathtub tonight she lamented, "Oh look, Baba, the boat is floating away from me."    My colleague told me that Pearl approached him last week and said, "Jack, I have a question to ask you.  Could I take Elmo home with me tonight?"  She can recite whole nursery rhymes and ABCs and People on the Bus and Ring around the Rosie.  I read her books that she knows, leaving out key words, and she can fill in the gaps.  She's 23 months old.

Marcia started back to work today.  For now, she's teaching only a half-day a week, but that will increase to two half-days next month.  The transition of the babysitter's arrival, school drop off, and commutes to work went very smoothly. It was nice to see something happening easily. The road has been bumpy for me the past couple of months.  Today, though, I felt like maybe I was getting back into the groove of my life again.  Sweet dreams.

Oh Kinky

Friends from blogville often ask how we endure life in Texas.  It's not all big and bad however.  Take Kinky Friedman, a candidate for governor.  A recent New York Times story introduces him this way: 

"'EVERY journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance,' goes the wisdom of Kinky Friedman as he hits the campaign trail for governor of Texas — the only Jewish, country-singing, mystery-writing independent candidate with a Palestinian barber/campaign manager and a coin box at the end of the bar."

In a world of boots, suits, and ties, I appreciate the quirkiness.  A few months ago, Kinky adorned a recent cover of Texas Monthly dressed in drag as Queen Elizabeth II.  Plus he's capable of making wild pronouncements such as, "There's a fine line between fiction and nonfiction, and I believe I snorted it in 1976." 

Read the whole NYT story by Ralph Blumenthal here.

Any Doggie Home?

We're just back from Arkansas and the naming ceremony for Carrie.  We got iced in and the trip lasted longer than we originally planned.  I feel very wiped out and will try to report more on the journey tomorrow. 

Wearing Sarah's Jacket

Valentine Baby

Marcia was born on Valentines Day so it's always a holiday to celebrate whole-heartedly at our place.  She woke up to coffee in a new mug, white orchids, and a new Bob Dylan cd.  Happy Birthday, sweetie.

Pearl made valentines for all her friends at school.  We cut hearts out of paper, and she decorated them with colorful scribbles and glitter.  We practiced saying a special greeting, "Happy Valentines Day" with her this morning, but when I asked her what she would say to her teacher, she said she would ask, "Where did Owen go?"  Her nearly-two-year-old sense of humor is quite something.

We're gearing up for Jojo's first trip to Arkansas.  We will do her naming ceremony along with her new cousins, Hannah and Miriam on Saturday.  In addition to M's birthday, we will also perform happy hooplah for my mother, my brother, my father-in-law, and my cousin.  February is birthday month for my gang.  Enjoy.

Poem for Valentines

Little Owl Who Lives in the Orchard


His beak could open a bottle,
and his eyes - when he lifts their soft lids -
go on reading something
just beyond your shoulder -
Blake, maybe,
or the Book of Revelation.

Never mind that he eats only
the black-smocked crickets,
and the dragonflies if they happen
to be out late over the ponds, and of course
the occasional festal mouse.
Never mind that he is only a memo
from the offices of fear -

it’s not size but surge that tells us
when we’re in touch with something real,
and when I hear him in the orchard
fluttering
down the little aliminum
ladder of his scream -
when I see his wings open, like two black ferns,

a flurry of palpitations
as cold as sleet
rackets across the marshlands
of my heart
like a wild spring day.

Somewhere in the universe,
in the gallery of important things,
the babyish owl, ruffled and rakish,
sits on its pedestal.
Dear, dark dapple of plush!
A message, reads the label,
from that mysterious conglomerate:
Oblivion and Co.
The hooked head stares
from its house of dark, feathery lace.
It could be a valentine.

by Mary Oliver

Stripes

Under the Weather

I'm "under the weather" this week--meaning that I have the infamous crud that cruising around Houston.  Everyone in my office except one person has caught it now--watch out Jack!  It's not so fun, but my permission was not prerequisite for this baby.

Carrie had a belated two-month checkup today.  She got a good report from Dr. Alex.  She weighs 12 pounds and is now in the 45%, up from 25% at birth.  She's still shrimpy compared to Pearl who is in the 95%.  But Carrie is very healthy.  She got a number of shots.  Marcia said it was 6, but she is prone to exaggeration, so I'm guessing she got 4.  But neither of us is particularly worried about any of these numbers and so we remain a happy family. 

The shots did bother little Jojo, and she cried quite a bit this afternoon (photo to the right).  So she got her first dose of medicine today, a tiny squirt of infant Tylenol.  It helped.  She is sleeping peacefully now.

Pearl is transitioned to three half-days of preschool a week.  She has really rounded a bend vis a vis school.  While driving there today, Marcia said she announced that school is "her favorite."  And before leaving her class today, she gave her teacher a hug.  We are thrilled about this. 

Pearl's language continues to charm and amaze us.  She likes to take a short walk at twilight lately and make a wish upon a star.  She chants her own version of "Star light, star bright" and makes her wish.  The first few times I asked her about her wish she didn't answer.  We decided we were not sure that she knew what a wish is exactly. So Marcia and I gave her a few examples.  Marcia's wish was: I hope Nana will visit us soon.  Mine was: I wish that our friend Brad will get well soon. 

Time passed.  The last two walks, both over the weekend, I asked the same question and waited.  What did she wish for?  Pearl's answer:  YELLOW.

First Favorite

Here's Pearl first favorite shirt.  Yes, it's the Wiggles.  I bought a second one exactly the same so I don't have to wash it every single day.

Does your kiddo have a favorite shirt, one that s/he feels so groovy in?

It's Upsidedown Carrie

Our new girl is ten weeks old now. 

Quote for Today

"How wonderful that no one need wait a single moment to improve the world."

--Anne Frank (1929-1945)