the OTHER mother

Blogging for LGBT Families on our 12th Anniversary

Mombian sponsors the Blogging for LGBT Families blog carnival each year to orchestrate our hundreds of voices in praise of LGBT families around the world. Feel free to join in.

This year Monday, June 1st, is Blogging for LGBT Families Day 2009. It is also Marcia and my 12th anniversary. Lots to celebrate today--love, families, and happiness.

Marcia and I first met because two of our mutual friends wanted us to meet. It was awkward and artificial. It was not a date, but it was most certainly SET UP. We were helping one of the aforementioned mutual friends move into a new apartment. We "ended up" in the same car for each run. It was 5 months later that we decided that maybe they were right. I guess they were.

Last year we both forgot our anniversary. We managed a little better this year, even arranging a date night at an outdoor concert featuring Esperanza Spalding this past weekend. A dozen years together. That's something, I think.  Something big. Wow.

Love is what it's all about.

Thanks, sweetie. And happy anniversary!

My Great Big Fat Weekend in the Big 'D'

I've always appreciated Marcia. Well, almost always. But this past weekend the appreciation was manifold!

Up until now, I've been the solo parent for no more than a single night. This weekend Marcia went to an unofficial college reunion and was gone four days. Yes, readers, FOUR DAYS! [Insert violin music here.]

At the same time, my G-dmother, who lives in Dallas, was celebrating her 75th birthday by doing her bat mitzvah. Much of my family was attending so I loaded up the kids and drove to the Big D.

As you might already know, the bar/bat mitzvah ceremony is traditionally a coming of age ritual. The adult bat mitzvah has become more common in recent years because most of Judaic history was not as Equal Opportunity as today's Judaism. Aunt Elise started studying Torah a year or two ago. Her children, her grandchildren, her brothers-in-law and cousins and all done their bar/bat mitzvah, and she decided that she could do it too. And so she did.

The service was very beautiful. The musicians played guitar, flute, and drums, the singers were all women, and the songs were more like Debbie Friedman compositions, rather than the traditional cantorial style. And although Aunt Elise, through date of birth and luck of the draw, got the most boring Torah portion ever, she somehow still managed to deliver a poignant, thought-provoking, and moving sermon.  Congrats, to my wonderful g-dmother!

As for solo parenting, the challenges were many, but nobody got hurt. At the hotel, my brother told me in the first hour that one his goals for the weekend was to give his kids (four of them, twins Pearl's age and twins Carrie's age) as much pool time as he could so they'd be comfortable in the water before starting swim lessons next week. That sounded good to me so I quickly adopted this goal for our family and spent many hours in the water.

The benefits of this plan were (at least) two-fold. Not only do the girls seem ready to become starfish next week, but they were also SO tired by bedtime that they didn't even miss Marcia. At least they didn't mention it.

That, friends, was my Marcia Appreciation Weekend.  On Monday (Memorial Day) we were all happy to be reunited in H-town.

Photos by David Reagler (a.k.a. Dad/Pop)

Soft Serve

Pearl and Carrie and ice cream.

The Graduates: More Circumstance Than Pomp

These are the cousins, Tillie and Louis, who graduated from Pre-K last week. They're Pearl's age, five. We did their naming ceremony together, all three of them, in May 2004.

Double Vision

We did a lot of swimming over the weekend. My Dad took this one of Pearl wearing goggles. Post about our travels: coming soon.

Sisters

Rest Stop

In the Jungle the Mighty Jungle the Lion and the Cheetah Fight!

In a previous post, I told you about how the girls like to dramatize their stories. Here are a few shots from tonight's tale. Carrie was acting scary; Pearl was on a whirl. Even the cat got into the act.

Don't be afraid, gentle readers, it's all pretend.

More About Storytelling for Preschoolers: Dictation

Last week I started writing about how, in our family, we like to act out favorite books. Another fun way to help your preschoolers enjoy storytelling is through dictation. Dictation works well with young children because often their ability to tell a story far exceeds their ability to physically write it down.

To start, we usually offer: "If you'd like to make up story, I'd be happy to write it down." Often they refuse. We don't pressure them. When they are interested in storytelling, we get down on their level and set it up so they can see the paper. We write as they talk.

Carrie likes to hold set up plastic animals and she moves them around as the story develops. Don't worry if the story makes little sense or if the child makes mistakes, saying, for example, that a cow laid an egg. Corrections often stop the story. In order to encourage a young storyteller, it's important to listen and, during pauses, ask questions.

Here is an example of a poem that Pearl "wrote" last week. Marcia let her choose a picture from a catalog or magazine that she liked. Pearl chose the one she liked best and pasted where she wanted it on the paper--she chose the color too.  Pearl told Marcia what to write.

The woman who can fly is very courageous. She shows people how brave she is by jumping off houseboats or ships. She soars through the air and is very courageous to be such a woman who can soar through the sky like a bird. Oh my, oh my, the woman who can fly!

by Pearl, age 5

Once the story is done, we read the story to the child, pointing to each word on the page. After each sentence we ask if we "got it right."  Let your child know that she can make changes, if she wants.

At first the words your child tells you may not be stories at all. It's possible you will get a list or random observations. Don't worry. Later, when the dictation process develops into stories, you can even invite the kids to act them out!

** The ideas reflected here come from my work with the Rice University School Literacy and Culture Project.

Carrie Meets Can-Do

Carrie's 3.5 now. She thinks she's invincible.

• Carrie finally figured out how to ride a tricycle in February at age 3. A month later Marcia bought her a tiny used bike with training wheels for $12 and voila: in two months Carrie transitioned from non-cycling to bicycling. We've been taking the girls out on bike paths in our neighborhood, and Carrie waves proudly to anyone who will look at her!
• When she's hungry Carrie's tummy "gumbles" and she asks for "sumpin" to eat. She refers to every meal as "beckfest."
• She has a new fascination with buying things and reminds us, on our way out the door, to bring money.
• Carrie has a talent for building things and is fond of removing all the cushions from the furniture and using them as blocks.
• She is a puma, not a cheetah.
• She has a favorite star.

Pearl is Rockin

After taking April off, I'm behind in updates on the children, so I thought I'd do a post on Pearl today, and one about Carrie, tomorrow.

• Pearl was accepted into our first choice kindergarten, and we are excited about that. Admission included two tests and a lottery. She is excited because the jungle gyms on the playground look like dinosaur fossils. Win-win, yes?
• Pearl is obsessed with pets. She writes letters to Santa every week enumerating the many pets she wants for Christmas.  Last month she got a pair of African dwarf frogs and named them Tad and Fred. They swim in an aquarium like fish and are--I must admit--pretty cute.
• She has fallen in love with Scooby Doo cartoons, even though the monsters and ghosts are scary.
• She can do tricks on her bike and climb the monkey bars all the way across.
• She wrote a script for "Puppies to the Rescue 2" this past weekend. Spoiler: as in the original, Puppies to the Rescue 1, the puppies do not rescue anyone.
• Pearl is nearly 4 feet tall.

Question of the Day: Summer

Tell us your plans and dreams for the summer vacation. Not necessarily in that order.

Carrie Prefers iPhone

Kids and technology, like peanut butter and jelly.

Happy Mother's Day to You

Longtime readers may or may not recall this song Pearl did when she was two. Hope you're having a great day! (Time = 14 seconds)

The Art of Cars in Houston

Blogging for LGBT Families Day 2009 is Coming Soon

Get ready, get set! June 1st is the 4th annual Blogging for LGBT Families Day. Anyone can participate. Get the scoop at Mombian and say hi to Dana while you're there.

Ode to Car Naps

It's been a long time since I've driven the napmobile. Both Pearl and Carrie stopped napping as soon as they turned 2. Since Carrie's been sick this week, she's either taken a nap or gone to bed before dinner time every night. Today she fell asleep on the way home from a challenging morning at preschool. Perhaps it was a tidal wave of nostalgia on my part, but I enjoyed remembering the leisurely drives with a napster or two in the back.

Question of the Day: Popping the Question

What's up with same-sex marriage? Suddenly all 50 states are rushing to legalize it? Has the great race for equality finally kicked in?  I'm rubbing my eyes as I cruise the news. Should I start saving up for the big W? This is not really something that I've been anticipating.Where would I begin? Help!

The Art of Being Artists

Young children are natural artists. Lots of people have said that before me, but I agree. Lacking the preconceptions that we attribute to knowledge and experience, children are able to create and innovate more freely.

In the famous words of Pablo Picasso: "Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up."

Pearl and Carrie have been sick this week and have been spending a lot more time indoors than usual. You can see Carrie's work on the left, and Pearl's is on the right.

Cody's Run for the Biscuits

This weekend the kids were sick, but we did let them out of the house for a few minutes Saturday afternoon. Cody had his first (and I suspect, last) race. It's an event that takes place each year on the same day as the Kentucky Derby.

Participants place their bets in dog biscuits, and the pups run (theoretically) in a straight line about 50 yards to their beloved owners. Cody did not seem to understand the point of the race, and he lost his first heat. Carrie felt so bad she only stayed for the first 5 races (the dogs ran 2 at a time). The good news, though, is that Carrie picked the winner of all 5 of the races that she watched. I'm scheming, I'm dreaming.

Drama for Preschoolers

Imaginative play is the favorite activity here in Grrrlville. It is even more popular than television (maybe because we have no cable or reception?!).

When Pearl and Carrie were toddlers they liked to "tell stories." At first they used plastic animals and human figures as characters. They would tell the stories, and we would all move our characters according to what they said. Papa Pig gives birth to baby T-Rex?  No problem. Little girl celebrates her birthday inside of a tea cup with Alice? Sure.

Their favorite stories when they were young were:

• character has a birthday
• character has to go to the doctor
• first day of preschool
• trips or adventures

We like to incorporate into the stories messages that our children might resist otherwise. Perhaps the mouse should try using his words before devouring that lion?  It also gives us a chance to help them expand their vocabularies and knowledge without actually instructing. As we run from the ottoman to the door, our characters "dash" or "flee" or  "gallop" or even "fly."

Now that they're older, Pearl and Carrie have graduated to "acts." We did not initiate the transition. Pearl started it, and of course Carrie followed close behind her. Many of these acts start with characters from books or movies that they know well. Instead of using the toy animals as the characters, they act out the parts.

A great way to start drama with your preschoolers is to offer them the chance to act out some favorite books. Let me warn you, however, that when it comes to acting, all books are not equal. Sometimes a favorite book is a real dud on the "stage." Our girls loved Time for Bed by Mem Fox when they were young, but it didn't work very well for acting because there's no plot.

This is how we do it. Read the book once. Ask "Who are the characters?" Once this is determined, reread the book.  Then ask, "What character would you like to be?"  Then reread the story pausing after each sentence or page so that your kids can act it out.

Here are a few books that have worked well for us:

Click, Clack, Moo: Cows That Type by Doreen Cronin

Buster by Denise Fleming

Amazing Grace by Mary Hoffman 

Whistle for Willie by Ezra Jack Keats

Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak

For younger children or children who are hesitant about this kind of play, some good books might include:

From Head to Toe by Eric Carle

My Many Colored Days by Dr. Seuss

Here are a few guidelines that have worked well for us:

* no props or costumes unless they're made by your child

* let your child be the director and ask him/her where to stand and what to do

* instead of making suggestions, model

* no corrections from the parent, unless safety is involved

I learned the core elements of this activity from my work with Rice University's School Literacy and Culture Project. If you're interested in the pedagogy, it comes from books by Patsy Cooper and Vivian Paley.

Your feedback is welcome!

[illustrations are from Whistle for Willie by Ezra Jack Keats