the OTHER mother

Question of the Day: Laborious!

 What is the most difficult job you ever had?

Question of the Day: What Window

Get thee to the nearest window and tell us what you see.

 

source = i love typography blog

Question of the Day: Kindergarten

Since Pearl starts kindergarten next week, we've been thinking a lot about our early school experiences. What do you remember about kindergarten?

Question of the Day: Your Summer Reading

Have you read any good books this summer?

Vacationing with Pre-Schoolers

Here are our ten best tips for traveling with young children. We don't always do this stuff, but we try:

1) Get free lodging. This takes a network and a lot of luck or love, but so far we have managed to do it on every vacation. This is the first step.

2) Book tickets early, and try to get either low prices or frequent flier tickets.

3) Set modest expectations about what you will see or do. We usually have one planned activity each day.

4) Choose destinations where you know families with kids the same ages as yours. 

5) Try to take advantage of free museum days. We know our kids have only a limited attention span for most museums, and it is a lot less troubling if the admission is free.

6) Someone WILL get sick or have an accident. You will get lost. And it's okay!

7) Stick to the routines of home, as much as possible. We usually try to stay in the same spot the whole trip and take little day trips, rather than moving the gang from place to place.

8) Review high points of each day after dinner or at bedtime. Hearing the children's thoughts can help you plan the subsequent days of the trip. You can model this ritual for your kids to help them learn how it works.

9) Let each kid choose a souvenir of the trip to take home, preferably one that takes of a small amount of space in your luggage.

10) Spending money is not what makes the vacation fun. Your time together--playing, talking, laughing, connecting--these will make your travels memorable.

Please share your travel tips with us. Pretty please?

Parent, What Rocks Your iPhone?

With over 50,000 iPhone apps available, it's hard to guess which ones to try.  This week the PCMag.com editors named the 10 iPhone apps for Parents. Here is their list (quoted):

• Shazam: This app is able to identify whatever song is playing in the background wherever you are; use it to snag a sound bite from that new Top 40 hit your child loves, and get the details on whether it is in line with your family's listening standards.
• White Noise: Babies scream, toddlers pout, and parents can often lose their minds, White Noise is perfect for taking things down a notch.
• Kindle: One of the most exciting apps for the iPhone, Kindle lets you easily bring along most any book or magazine for you and your kids to enjoy on the go. Create your own family book club or read while stuck in a doctor's office, a book of your choice or read to your child.
• GoodFoodNearYou: When you’re on the road with the kids, avoid the fast-food joint and replace it with the convenience of this app to help you find health-conscious dining choices. Input your location and it will return scads of sides, sandwiches, and suppers from every dining destination in the vicinity.
• AllRecipes.com Dinner Spinner: If the question is "What are we having for dinner?" this free AllRecipes.com-powered app will let you choose recipes based on main ingredients, what you have on hand, and how much time you can spare for food prep. Or let it randomly selected meal plan for you.
• Sit Or Squat: When a parent hears "I really gotta go!" finding the nearest bathroom has to happen fast. Using your current location it gives you the nearest options, stats on cleanliness, changing tables and handicap-accessible facilities—mark your favorite toilets for quick returns.
• AirMe: You no longer need to wait until you get home to start sharing photos from birthdays, sporting events or school plays. Use AirMe to upload instantly to Photobucket, TinyPic, Flickr, Facebook, Twitter, or Picasa without the hassle of file transfer or e-mail, and without the cost of an external gadget.  
• myLite Flashlight: Never lose a pacifier in a dark movie theater again with this app that uses the screen to emit white light. This free app has a straightforward series of settings to control light color and brightness.
• Remember The Milk: This popular and effective list-making and task-management Web site, has a complementary mobile app free to the site's paying members to help keep things sorted when you're shuttling between work, home, and your family's numerous appointments and activities.
• iTalk Recorder: This limited free download allows you to record and store numerous sound files for later use. Files upload easily to you.

This list is by the editors of PC Magazine. iPhone users, what do you think?

Question of the Day: Museums

What's your favorite museum?  And why?

Question of the Day: Summer

Tell us your plans and dreams for the summer vacation. Not necessarily in that order.

Question of the Day: Popping the Question

What's up with same-sex marriage? Suddenly all 50 states are rushing to legalize it? Has the great race for equality finally kicked in?  I'm rubbing my eyes as I cruise the news. Should I start saving up for the big W? This is not really something that I've been anticipating.Where would I begin? Help!

Question of the Day: Laughter

What happened today that made you laugh?

[this is Carrie at 9 months, photo by Ashlee]

Question of the Day: Musical True Confessions

Borrowed this zinger from Manic Monday:

What's the most embarrassing song on your iPod (or in your music collection)?  Be honest.

Question of the Day: Family Blogs and Privacy Issues

Pearl will turn 5 next month and will start kindergarten in the fall.  I'm starting to wonder about the possible impact that this blog, a public record, could have on her life (and eventually, Carrie's) as she and her friends become readers.  What do you think?

[photo by sandcastle matt via flickr]

Question of the Day: When Wrong is Better than Right

Pearl is newly fond of wearing pup squad (lip gloss).  Tell us a favorite mispronunciation of your kiddo.

Question of the Day: Jokes for Preschoolers

Pearl and Carrie asked us to teach them some jokes or riddles. We dug deep into our memories and came up with NOTHING.  Please share a joke that appeals (or appealed) to your preschool-age kids.

[illustration by FruityCuties on flickr]

Question of the Day: Stress!

Here's a question to nudge you right where it hurts!  What do you find most stressful this time of year?

This question is borrowed (with slight alterations) from Manic Monday.

Question of the Day

Quick, off the cuff, so to speak: one thing you're thankful for....

 

Question of the Day: Libations

Coffee is my mojo.  What's yours?

Question of the Day: Dreams

Do you have a recurring dream or nightmare?  Please share.

[question via Manic Monday]

[art from The Octonauts by Meimo]

Enter to Win: The L Word DVD Giveaway

It's hard to think about anything besides politics lately, but maybe you can take a quick break?  Today is your chance to win The L Word Season 5 DVD set. I'm teaming up with Dana Rudolph of Mombian, and together we are giving away 20 DVD sets.

Winning is easy. To enter you must leave a comment today (U.S. central time) answering this question:

If you could select a celebrity to make a guest appearance on The L Word who would you choose?

The 5 winners will be chosen randomly and announced on the following day.

THE L WORD returns to DVD with THE COMPLETE FIFTH SEASON on October 21ST in a collectible 4-disc set. DVD includes all 12 dramatic and deliciously provocative Fifth season episodes from Showtime’s successful long-running series featuring all the beauty, chaos and complexities of a group of women who inhabit Los Angeles’ lesbian community plus behind-the-scenes special features.

© 2008 Showtime Networks Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Rules and restrictions: 

* U.S. and Canada residents only, please.

* You may only enter once per day.

* You can only win once.

* Marcia, you can't win.  Sorry!

Entry times will be based on the time you submit the comment. I retain the right to remove entries in the case of inappropriate content.

Make sure to leave a valid e-mail address with your comment! (Don’t leave a postal address, though. If you win, I’ll contact you by e-mail about shipping.)

Question of the Day: Art on your Wall

Questions
Originally uploaded by Oberazzi

If money were no object and you could effortlessly acquire any piece of art in the world for your home, which artist would you choose? (Top 5 lists are also okay!)

Question of the Day: Pastime 2.0

What's your favorite way to waste time on the internet (besides reading this blog, of course!)?

LOGO2.0 part I and II, originally uploaded to flickr by Stabilo Boss.

Question of the Day: Going Solo

Marcia is away on a trip this weekend.  I need good advice, and I need it fast!  Thanks in advance, Baba

Question of the Day: Dogs

As mentioned in the previous post, we're thinking about adopting a dog. As you might guess, "good with kids" is at the top of our list of priorities. We have a 20 year old bossy diabetic cat and a smallish yard. Please share your wisdom with us.

[photo by pj taylor via flickr]

Best. Coffee. Table. Ever.

Longtime readers might remember this coffee table. My parents made it the first year they were married. Does anyone know how to clean that grout?

Question of the Day: Tears

What's the last thing that made you cry?

Question of the Day: Ever/Never

This week's question is another double-header.

1) Who's the most famous person you ever met?

2) Who's the most famous person you never met (but wish you had)?

Meet the Blogger: Polly Pagenhart of Lesbian Dad

This is the second installment of Meet the Blogger, a series of interviews with some of the bloggers I  admire most.  Polly Pagenhart is the author of Lesbian Dad.

RR: Hi, Polly. Tell us a bit about yourself.

PP: My kids call me Baba, also Babi (I choose to mentally spell it that way, otherwise it's the youngest kid from the Brady Bunch, and I wasn't prepared for that). In our familial bunch we have living: me, my partner, a daughter, a son, a kitty named Mrs. Mooney. (Do you know the musical Sweeny Todd?  "Mrs. Mooney had a pie shop" goes the first half of the line. Then there's more ("popping pussies into pies" is another refrain. It's kind of about reclaiming one's power.)  In the ether, and always always in my heart: Maxi, the dog that helped me back from the coldest place I've known.

RR: In a good interview, readers find out things about you that they can't find out on your website. To that end, I must ask: what's best snack ever?

PP: Hmm.  I'll have to think about that.  A friend plops salsa in a bowl with cottage cheese, and then scoops it up w/ tortilla chips.  That works pretty nicely.  With more time, a quesadilla with just about anything in it (in the cheese and vegetable dept) is always a hit.  My mom made a dip with cream cheese and chutney, and so that, scooped with Wheat Thins, reminds me of her.  Making it a heavy duty contender for "best."

RR: Could you talk about a few favorite books or authors?  

PP: Gosh.  I've read so little since the kids came along that many of these will be people I came to love before becoming a parent. Joan Didion got me to fall in love with the sentence, the essay, the mind as it weaves itself around the task of conveying essential truths with the written word.  Thereafter also, authors I love, in no particular order: Virginia Woolf. Paule Marshall. Sarah Schulman. Audre Lorde. Adrienne Rich.  Pablo Neruda. Mary Oliver. David Gutterson.  If I started trying to name favorite books I'm afraid I'd get myself in trouble.  Though I do want to say that Adrienne Rich's "Women and Honor: Some Notes on Lying" is an enormous gift.  As is most of her poetry.  Audre Lorde's essays account for most of my proper awareness of the world.  Sarah Schulman, in Rat Bohemia, accomplished something amazing.  I think if every family member of every LGBTQ person read it, lots would be different.  Or could be.  What can one say about Didion?  Except when poet Gary Soto asked me to read her Slouching Towards Bethlehem in a high school enrichment class, it changed my life. 

RR: That's a wide ranging list of writers! Tell us about your academic and/or writing background?

PP: Dear me. Too much of it, I fear.  Or maybe just enough.  In college (UC Berkeley) I majored in English (minored in Ethnic Studies) and tutored writing and led writing workshops.  In grad school (Minnesota), I taught composition as well as Women's Studies and American Studies.  The original idea was to get me a Ph.D. in American Studies (Feminist Studies minor) and become a professor somewhere, but plans kind of shifted (that's a whole interview in itself).  I did leave with an M.A. and a life partner, though.  Not too shabby.

 
RR: When you first started the blog Lesbian Dad what was your mission and how has it changed over time? What do you hope to deliver to your audience?  

PP: Great question!  Initially, I wanted to work out some ideas about what a "lesbian fatherhood" might be, if indeed there was one.  At the least, I wanted to find company in the fairly specific parental place I felt I existed: a lesbian co-parent who was socially & not biologically connected to her kids (where the partner was bio), and one who chafed at "mother," for a host of reasons, most of which gender identity-related.  A blog provided a venue in which to think out loud about these things and gather people around me who knew better and could school me (and anyone who listened).  I actually first thought it would be a kind of a discussion forum that I would merely moderate, but I soon discovered that -- news to me -- it's fairly easy to launch a solo blog, and people who wanted to talk a LOT about the subject of their parenthoods tend start their own blogs.  I didn't have the energy or the time at the outset to begin as a group project, and that might have made a difference, too.  Also, I discovered that many other people prefer to converse and comment in response to another's catalyst, and are happy with that degree of contribution.

RR: How does blogging compare to other types of writing you've done in the past? 

PP: Great question!  (I suspect I'll preface all my answers to these questions this way.)  It's like my epistolary voice (!), but public.  Which makes it some kind of cross between my most informal, breezy writing in letters to friends and a polished essay.  Probably both writerly voices appear (formal and informal), depending on the subject matter.  Blogging is unusual, for certain, in the degree to which it is public, instantaneously, and a dialog as well.  I've written in some public venues (academic essays for journals or anthologies, op-ed pieces, a personal essay in Confessions), but feedback on that stuff comes so slowly.  And it's not even really part of the form, that it anticipate dialog from readers.   At most, I'd bump into someone at an academic conference, say, and hear they were using an essay of mine in a class.  Or find, after the advent of the World Wide Internet, that someone was referring to an essay.  

But of course with blogs, the impact is instant.  Most exciting is that it is for the most part supposed to be a conversation!  A blog is a DIALOG, not a MONOLOG.  ALL CAPS, BABY.  That is a thrill, and what so much writing (tacitly) aspires to.  Or rather, I'll say that I would always want my own writing to spark some kind of dialog.  It's a privilege to be able to hear that dialog going on, and even be a part of it.

RR: What are your favorite children's books (yours and opposed to our kids')?

PP: Hmmm.  There's a crop of books that touched me as a kid, and then some that I like as a parent. From my own childhood, I'd still say Winnie the Pooh is a sentimental favorite.  The kids aren't old enough for Harriet the Spy yet, but I can't wait.  A number of more obscure ones just happen to touch cords of memory, like Tico and the Golden Wing, for example.

RR: What's the strangest thing that's happened to you since you became a parent?  

PP: Now that's an interesting one.  Mmmm.  Well I'm not sure this is as strange as it is interesting to me.  I've realized that I am connected to so very many very different people, by virtue of our common parenthood. The simple fact that we both are parents to children provides a point of contact that would never otherwise have been there. Experiencing that has been really a phenomenal, fairly unexpected part of becoming a parent.  Totally didn't anticipate that, and -- other than the incredible experience of witnessing the development/ self-realization of two different human beings -- it may well be the best thing about this gig.

RR: You've won a number of awards for Lesbian Dad.  What do you think the blog offers its readers?

PP: Well!  I would have had a harder time answering this question if I'd have responded before the results from my reader survey came rolling in, or before I went to BlogHer and got a wider sense of women's communities online.  But now I can do more than speculate. I would have initially thought that a blog like Lesbian Dad might keep people like me company -- offering the betwixt/between gals an example of someone else who was parenting from this  gendered standpoint (both/and) and doing just fine.  I might have hoped that it would also offer straight readers an opportunity to listen in on our thoughts/feelings/conversations, and develop more understanding and compassion.  And I think that both these things are true.  Or at least I aspire to contribute in these areas.

But I've been very pleasantly surprised that a lot of folks just like good writing for its own sake. Great news, eh?  For its own sake.  Gives us all something to strive for. 

RR: Would you like to add a question that I haven't asked? 

PP: What fun!  Gosh.  Well, the first thing that occurs to me is a question that I asked folks in the survey I did in a recent survey of readers, which was essentially: What do you get from the online communities of which you are a part?  To which I'd answer: so much, and so much more than I would have expected!  I feel like I've had the opportunity to learn how many commonalities there are across lesbian and lesbian parenting experiences in different countries (in the UK at least, and Australia).

 Also, I've come to consider that we really can help one another a great deal using this medium.  Being able to carry on a conversation across such distances and so many differences, all mediated not by publishing conglomerates, or limited by physical logistics (how long it takes to get a letter from here to there, much less gather multiple voices into it).  We're still limited by human emotion -- the ease with which we can misunderstand each other, peoples' tendencies to gather into clumps of like groups.  And online spaces are definitely communities, governed by etiquette and expectations and so on.  It's easy to only learn these things after inadvertently stepping on toes.  But what we can do with and for each other in this realm is so worth it.  I think the community building you do is probably the best example of that.

Question of the Day: Names

This question is a double-header. Are you named after anyone AND (if applicable) are your children named after someone?

Question of the Day

What's the best book you've read this summer? 

Or, if that question doesn't work for you: what's the best book you'd like to read this summer?

Question of the Day: Summer Reading Rex?

It's that time of year again.  We're gearing up for summer vacation.  I wonder if you have some book suggestions for us.  I'll give you a few topics on each of our minds.  Pearl and Carrie's recent favorites are listed in the right-hand column.

Carrie: animals, sisters and brothers, books like LIttle Quack, Mama Cat, and Five Little Monkeys

Pearl:dogs, dogs, dogs

Marcia: quirky literary nonfiction, documentary films, ice cream trucks, and cultural studies

Robin: European murder mysteries, Haruki Murakami, stories involving Los Angeles, well-written lesbian fiction, and experimental poetry

Your suggestions are welcome.

[photo by Daniel Lestarjette via flickr]