What to Call 2 Moms

By checking the Google key words, I figured out that I'm getting several hits a day with questions about what two lesbian moms are called by their kiddo.  Although I asked how others handled this issue a few months ago, I'm not sure I ever returned to the topic and explained what we decided to do.

No drum roll, please.

Marcia is Mama, and I am Baba.  Why?  I'm not entirely sure why.  We really wanted two names that sounded distinctly different to a child's ear.  We have friends who are Mama and Mommy, and we wanted to have names that would be obvious to Pearl, even at a young age.  The B sound was one of the first sounds she could say. 

In some eastern European countries, kids call the grandmother Baba.  We have a storybook called The Mitten that has a boy and his Baba.  As I was writing this post, I did my due diligence and looked up the word.  Unfortunately the definitions are: (1) a very old woman, and (2) a rich cake soaked in rum and syrup.  Ah well! 

Love, Baba

Comments

[Mere]

Hi Baba! Love your blog. Greetings from Arkansas!

[lisa]

I was always 'Lisa' for my kids. We never bothered to come up with a 'name' for me.
When my son was very small - he could identify me to others as his Godmother, Lisa (altho is came out as 'Weese').
It was easy for him to have a common and accepted title for me. Most teachers and the parents of friends caught on quite nicely - so it was comfortable for all.
This was many years ago of course - we were trail blazing the two mom concept. We were the ONLY gay parents in our town. Our first couple years of school confereneces were groundbreaking fun.

[eliaday]

Did you ever read "She's not there?" the kids in that book decided on "Dommy" and "Mommy." I thought that was so clever and so cute.

[Robyn]

it's interesting...cuz we are mommy and mama. and there is NEVER any question who Harris wants. if he calls for mama..it's me. and mommy...always, always Cindy.

not too long ago, i walked into his class at school..and all the kids said.."Harris..your mommy's here, your mommy's here." he said.."that's my MAMA."

the names are obviously very different in his mind.

[WannaBeMom]

Well, we haven't come up with any solutions for this one yet, but then again, we don't even have sperm yet either so... Our problem is that we both seem to have some emotional investment in "Mom," so we'll see what happens. I've thought about Ema-- but it hasn't been sticking. On our "lesbian mom" listserv, several women commented that they just let the kiddo decide what to call them, and it just naturally worked. I like the concept of this, but generally I am far too controlling for this to work at house. I do have to say, I like Baba. A lot!

[shannon]

I so totally wanted to be Mama!
I tried to persuade Cole to use Baba, but she would have no grandparent names!
We (okay, I) thought briefly about Abba, too (which would probably sneak past most Americans). But Cole really wants to be "Cole."
So you know, it's her kid, it's her choice.

[kat]

I love Mama and Baba. And true...the "b" sound is easy to say. Easier to say than the "m" sound. Baba almost sounds like Babar, the elephant. :) Not that you are an elephant of course.

[Mieke]

I like that. Eventually kids stop calling you Mommy and switch to Mom. I imagine the same is true for Mama and they switch to Ma -even if it stays Mama that's so close to Mom that I think if I were one of two moms I'd do just what you are doing. I wouldn't fight to be the one called Mommy or Mom, just as long as it was something as lovely as Baba or Sweetmostperfectmotherofthem all. is that too much?

Love,

Momminy

[anniem]

Sometime before turning one Aidan began calling my mom Baba and she's been Baba to her grandchildren ever since. We had no idea until much later that it was a term used in other cultures. It seems to be one of those natural terms of endearment children assign a loved one out of a mutual need for annunce-ability and assignation. I think you chose very well.

[Karen]

Hi there,

You'll be amused, I think, at our 'solution' - even though there's no baby on the way yet. We're going with Oma, which like Baba is a grandmother name (German, I think), but for us, it's short for "Other Mother". It's very sayable by a little one, too.

Someone mentioned it on a sperm bank message board, and we liked it so much, we're keeping it.

Karen (Mama) and Donna (Oma)

[susoz]

I am 'Mummy and the other mother is called by her first name and by a contraction of her name that only I (and now he) use. Wait, it's slightly more complicated than that. When he was a baby, I used to refer to the other mother as Mama (name). She, however, did not refer to herself as this - I think she felt awkward about it. So sometime after he was one, it slipped and she just became her name. However, every so often, he calls her 'Mummy' or 'Mum', especially when I'm not around. And he refers to us as his 'two mums', even though we never 'put those words in his mouth', so to speak. Interestingly, in general company (eg preschool friends), he started to describe us as 'my parents' when he was three and I suspect he had figured out that was a way of having the same thing as other kids, not drawing attention to the difference.
Most other two-mother familes that we know have adopted the Mama-name and Mama-name approach, but I have noticed that as they get older, the kids tend to often just use the first name or just 'mama' (it's a bit longwinded to use them both alll the time.) Kids do tend to go their own way with this, so don't be surprised (I'm sure you won't be) if Pearl ends up calling you something else entirely.

[susoz]

PS: he also naturally refers to the other mother as 'my mother' in the singular, so even though he calls her by first name, he is in no doubt as to his relationship to her. That also came entirely from him (by which I mean, we did virtually no 'rehearsing' or 'coaching' of him as to these sorts of terms).

[susoz]

another PS, on a slightly different tangent: before he was born, we had various shortenings of our son's name in mind for everyday use. As it turns out, we only use his full name and an unusual abbreviation that was first used by a gay male midwife when he was in NICU - it stuck and we use it all the time, even though both of us admit to not liking it much! We never use the more common shortenings of his name, even though I like them more. Names are strange like that.

[Kay]

I know two children who naturally came up with Baba - one for his mum (he has only one) and one for his grandmum.

On the other hand my friends let their son come up with it himself - having been told by lots of people that that would work - and they are Mommy and Mama. I agree with WannaBeMom though, I think I am too much of a control freak to have been able to take that tack!

[Shelley]

I'm Mommy, and my partner is Tama (rhymes with "Mama"). Her first name is Terri, and she liked the idea of having a "mama name" that was most especially hers, so there you have it. Our 3.5 yr. old son also calls us "my moms," and just today, when he and I were heading back home from Quaker Meeting and I said, "C'mon, let's go home, I miss my sweetie," he said, "Don't forget, she's my sweetie, too." So we're all Sweetie, too.
:-)

[Suzanne]

This is a little late, but wanted to share. My sister and her (sadly now former) partner decided that my sister would be Mom/Mommy and that her partner would be Momma (pronounced Mumma). Now that their kids are older, I think they tend to call both of them "Mom".

[Chloe]

We decided before the birth that I am Mumma and my partner is DeeDee... she didn't want a Mom association and Dad was too male.. you know... so DeeDee was born. And Lilliana has now just started saying Mamma that comes out more like Baba... but she does say it... and I know who she is calling... she has been also using DeeDee for a long time... just not completely properly yet LOL... but we are getting there...

[frog]

"Baba" is the equivalent of "Daddy" or "Papa" in Chinese, too.

[Tre]

Prior to my partner being pregnant we discussed what we'd like our daughter or son to call us. I've always liked the mommy/mama idea. We haven't discussed it much as of late (baby is due 7/9/05) but I think when I get home I'm just going to tell my better half that I'd like to stick with mommy and mama. It was great reading through your comments and seeing what other mothers had to say.

[kelsey]

Me siblings and I refer to our moms as Mom and Nan. My Nan was oringally mama or mommy to us. But she met Kerry when we were very young and Kerry had their child. So she decided to wanted us to call her Nan and Kerry Mom (if we didn't mind).

:-)

[jessica m]

We are Mommy and Dama...Not 100% sure why it just stuck! Although our youngest Jack still insists upon calling Sharon mama unless he really wants something and then.....It's Dama! XXOO Jess n Sharon