Funks, Dogs, and Ventral-to-Ventral Contact

As many of you know, I’m in a bit of a funk lately.  According to Marcia, this means that our state is in a red zone.  This includes, but is by no means limited to, the following four areas:

1)      the state of my hair

2)      the state of our laundry

3)      the state of the refrigerator

4)      the state of my wallet

It also means that bad luck seems to follow me (and my hair), even when I leave the state we call home.  For example, today at work the rear tire on my Subaru spontaneously exploded.  And then our mechanic said he wouldn’t be able to work on it for a few days because he just broke his finger! 

Anyway, back to the point.  When I am in a funk, I don’t like to read nonfiction books.  I’d rather play Scrabble or eat Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream or crack open a Swedish mystery novel. 

So, when we got our puppy Cody, Marcia took it upon herself to read several doggie books for us.  They ranged from beautiful personal stories by authors we know (Mark Doty’s Dog Years) to old favorites that have been updated (The Monks of New Skete: Divine Canine) to new ones that our trainer recommended (Patricia McConnell’s The Other End of the Leash).

Although Marcia left these books sprawled about in opportune locations such as my bedside table, my desk, and the bathroom magazine rack, she eventually realized that I had not touched them. 

So, Marcia did what anyone with a Partner-in-Funk would do: she grabbed her highlighter and went to town.  Yes, she actually marked in pink and yellow for me every important passage I need to read in The Other End of the Leash to make life with Cody happy and pleasurable.  Then she plopped the book on my lap.

One of the sections that Marcia (and through her, I) found particularly interesting deals with a human’s need for ventral-to-ventral contact.  McConnell argues that humans find tremendous pleasure in relating chest-to-chest.  Like our primate relatives, we also enjoy holding hands, kissing, and snuggling.  The writer explains that this need for touch in us is powerful—it can actually lower our heat rate and blood pressure.

She says that young girls are particularly fond of hugging things to their chests— dolls, dogs, you name it—and so far, we are finding this to be SO true.  Pearl and Carrie constantly fling their arms around Cody’s neck to hug him—tightly, furiously, as if he is their younger brother preparing to head off to boarding school or some foreign war.

The problem, according to McConnell, is that dogs really don’t like to be hugged.  Many don’t even like the way we pet them. She even argues that some dogs don’t obey the “come” command because they don’t want to be patted on the head!

Since reading (the highlighted passages of) this book and studying Cody’s responses to us, I’ve become much more aware of his body language and ours.  I’m learning to temper some of my natural tendencies and think about Cody from a canine’s perspective. 

I’m even learning a little about myself. Cody reminds me to enjoy each breeze, try new foods, and sleep with abandon. Have your dogs (or other pets) taught you anything important?

Comments

[Amydell]

Yes- how terribly we miss them when they are gone!

[Tracey]

What goes into a dog sometimes comes out in places you don't want it to, and sometimes it smells bad!

[stidmama]

Lucky teaches us patience... and how to think of others first. And reminds us to throw the ball (constantly -- what, you're done ALREADY?) so our arms don't atrophy.

Hope you "unfunk" soon. I just did yesterday, and life is much easier now.

[Polly]

Patricia McConnell is a GENIUS. Her ventral-to-ventral stuff was among the things I've retained the longest. We loved her books, which we ate up when we were home, to five years, of a Behaviorally Challenged dog. (He now lives with my partner's dad, pretty much a condition she finally exacted before we started having kids.)

That dog, though, taught us way a lot. Partially (sadly), how love can't fundamentally shift a fear of kids that lodged in a pup before he was six weeks, thanks to street abuse. But also how every animal we love and live with teaches us patience, and how to be okay with a world we can guide, but not control.

By the way: solidarity on the funk, sister. May it linger for only as long as it needs to.

[Cheryl]

When I read that Marcia "grabbed her highlighter and went to town," I thought she was decorating your hair with pink and yellow highlights. Which could be a look.

[Laura]

Mocha has taught me to trust my instincts and love unconditionally and when you're glad to see someone, let it show. And last but not least, "wag more bark less."

[Betty]

Old dogs need more love, and puppies make everything better. If your house is a mess, the puppy usually did it. I love that she ate all the barbies... and that darn Bratz Doll Fifi had to have. They really are part of your family. Well worth the time and effort spent to care for them.

Hope you get out of your state. Take care