the OTHER mother

Carrie Turns 5

You may recall that it was Carrie who planned my birthday party this year so you might assume that her own birthday would receive even greater enthusiasm. And you'd be right!

Carrie's party theme was... interesting. As in, very. Have you ever been to a Chinese horse party? This five-year-old loves horses, and she's learning Chinese (or at least she thinks she is). So in addition to the trusty steed pictured below, she had the bakers draw a picture of a horse with the Chinese symbol for horse beside it. We gave chopsticks, Chinese candy, and fortune cookies for party favors. Carrie help choose everything for the great occasion. 

There are many more photos of the Chinese lanterns, petting zoo, and birthday cake on Marcia's facebook page. 

 

When the Grrrls Go Back to School

I know, I know, they've been back in school nearly a month now. They're learning the ropes, memorizing the rules. They are back, and here are the pictures to prove it.

Autobiography, the Kid Way

Recently a friend asked me to help him help his daughter write an autobiography. As adults we have fairly set ideas about the format of a biography or autobiography. They are usually chronological and include set details such as birth, milestones, siblings, and so on.  Children, lacking familiarity with the format, often find other more interesting ways to tell about themselves.

For example, a child could tell her life story as a history of her teeth. From toothless baby to tooth fairy, to bobbing for apples (does anyone do that any more?) this might be a fun way to talk about one's life. By focusing the story on a particular slice of ones life, it might make for a more interesting story.

A book that could be used as a model is My Map Book by Sara Fanelli. Each page spread contains an unusual map.  This one (below) is labeled a map of my day, with the toothbrush at the left and the night sky on the right. Each strip contains an activity that make a typical day in the life.

At Writers in the Schools (WITS), the map of my heart is another popular model for creative writing that comes from Fanelli's map book.The young writer sketches a heart and fills it with all the things s/he cherishes most.Modeling the brainstorming phase is important.The child uses the sketch to write a story or poem.

If you try this idea at home, please let us know. Happy writing!

Home Is Where the Art Is

New house, blank walls. You know the story. So yesterday, while Marcia was completing a work project, Pearl, Carrie, and I whipped up an art project.

I read about this project here and was planning to do it on my own, but the grrrls were interested in helping. The white lines are made with painter's tape, and each field is a different color, so it really is easy enough for children.

I like the way they turned out. Pearl's comment = they look like they were painted by real artists! Carrie's comment = don't worry Baba, I'll finish them tomorrow while you're at work.

Spring Break 2010

Greetings from Galveston Island. If there's one thing we've learned about parenting--and it's possibly the ONLY thing we've learned--it's this: there's an amazing chemistry between kids and beach. It's golden. 

Closing Down the Shop

After five and a half years of blogging, I've decided to stop. Thank you for reading, responding, and just being there. I've enjoyed the process and hope you have too. If you are in the habit of following along with our family and want to stay in the loop, please add me and Marcia as friends on facebook (let us know how you know us) and also on twitter. We would love to stay in touch.

Be well. Enjoy each day,

Grrrlville

Aw, Shucks

Friday has been Carrie's favorite day for quite a while now. Last year at her old school she had show and tell on Friday, as did Jacob and Pearl, her favorite classmates. This year she goes to a school that only has classes Monday-Thursday. On Fridays Pearl goes to school, I go to work, and Carrie stays home with Marcia. So this year Friday is her super-favorite day! Marcia says this year she likes Fridays a lot too. 

Carrie is an awesome helper, especially in the kitchen. She loves to cook and set the table. She feeds the pets. Last Friday she shucked corn for the whole family, and we had a lovely Shabbat dinner.

Musical Beds in the House of Grrrls

The season of Back-to-school causes stress, and stress affects sleep, among other things. Lately the sleeping arrangements in our household reads like one of those logic problems on the LSAT test.

In a house lives a family. There are 2 mothers, 2 daughters, and 2 pets. There are three bedrooms containing four beds, each a different size:

    toddler

    twin

    double

    queen

Any given morning, nobody wakes up in the bed they began in the previous night. Except for the dog. Viva la crate training!

An Ode to Moms by Billy Collins

My friend Nancy Ford sent me this video of Billy Collins reading his poem "The Lanyard." If you've ever been a parent, a child, a teacher, a summer camper, or some combination thereof-- this poem is a MUST.

If you watch it, let me know whether it makes you laugh or cry.

Bedtime Stories

I *heart* rituals, and the bedtime story ritual is one of my favorites. I also like this book; have you read "And Tango Makes Three" yet? It's a true story about the two daddy penguins who had a baby in the Central Park Zoo.

Sometimes You Ask Yourself...

How did we get here?

Tonight was the first parent night at Pearl's new school, so Marcia and I both attended, and Marty the babysitter came to hang out with Pearl and Carrie. We are delighted with all the people at the school and feel fortunate to be a part of the community. The teachers are professional and passionate and attuned to the individual child. Our teacher said she wanted to be Lucy Caulkins when she grew up. I was impressed with that.

Nevertheless, the feeling of being parents in a PTA is a bit of a shock to the system. We didn't notice any other two-mom or two-dad families at the event. The discomfort was nothing a good frozen margarita with salt ($4 special on Ladies Night) couldn't quell however. When we got home, the babysitter told us Pearl's last words before she went to sleep. She sat up in bed and screamed: MARTY, I'M IN KINDERGARTEN!!!

More Blankies Galore

As you may recall, Carrie's blankie is falling to pieces and then some!  And it seems to be the only one of its kind on planet earth.  I have worked on the remnants with my oh-so-limited skills a time or two or more. This past week Marcia found a real seamstress/grandma (although not our grandma) who did a wonderful job solving our problem--for now at least. And Carrie is now up to FOUR blankies.  Just like Owen in the Kevin Henkes story, she is totally pleased!

The Girl Who Thought She'd Love Horses

For the last month of summer vacation, Marcia got an idea. She got the idea from our friend Annie's SprogBlog. Annie tells about her children's amazing hikes and feats in the wilderness. Annie believes that achieving a big challenge over the summer helps a child start the new school year with greater self-confidence. Makes sense, right?

Marcia read to the girls some of the stories about Aidan and El.  Then she asked Pearl and Carrie to come up with a challenge for themselves. Pearl said she wanted to learn some tricks in skateboarding. Carrie said she wanted to try to ride a horse. They both want to improve their swimming. Carrie wants to go camping in the living room. Pearl also wants to "climb to the top of the Grand Canyon." 

Except for the Grand Canyon one, all the suggestions seemed within reason. So as I go to work each weekday, the grrrls are blazing trails all around H-town. Watch out for them!

Vacationing with Pre-Schoolers

Here are our ten best tips for traveling with young children. We don't always do this stuff, but we try:

1) Get free lodging. This takes a network and a lot of luck or love, but so far we have managed to do it on every vacation. This is the first step.

2) Book tickets early, and try to get either low prices or frequent flier tickets.

3) Set modest expectations about what you will see or do. We usually have one planned activity each day.

4) Choose destinations where you know families with kids the same ages as yours. 

5) Try to take advantage of free museum days. We know our kids have only a limited attention span for most museums, and it is a lot less troubling if the admission is free.

6) Someone WILL get sick or have an accident. You will get lost. And it's okay!

7) Stick to the routines of home, as much as possible. We usually try to stay in the same spot the whole trip and take little day trips, rather than moving the gang from place to place.

8) Review high points of each day after dinner or at bedtime. Hearing the children's thoughts can help you plan the subsequent days of the trip. You can model this ritual for your kids to help them learn how it works.

9) Let each kid choose a souvenir of the trip to take home, preferably one that takes of a small amount of space in your luggage.

10) Spending money is not what makes the vacation fun. Your time together--playing, talking, laughing, connecting--these will make your travels memorable.

Please share your travel tips with us. Pretty please?

Parent, What Rocks Your iPhone?

With over 50,000 iPhone apps available, it's hard to guess which ones to try.  This week the PCMag.com editors named the 10 iPhone apps for Parents. Here is their list (quoted):

• Shazam: This app is able to identify whatever song is playing in the background wherever you are; use it to snag a sound bite from that new Top 40 hit your child loves, and get the details on whether it is in line with your family's listening standards.
• White Noise: Babies scream, toddlers pout, and parents can often lose their minds, White Noise is perfect for taking things down a notch.
• Kindle: One of the most exciting apps for the iPhone, Kindle lets you easily bring along most any book or magazine for you and your kids to enjoy on the go. Create your own family book club or read while stuck in a doctor's office, a book of your choice or read to your child.
• GoodFoodNearYou: When you’re on the road with the kids, avoid the fast-food joint and replace it with the convenience of this app to help you find health-conscious dining choices. Input your location and it will return scads of sides, sandwiches, and suppers from every dining destination in the vicinity.
• AllRecipes.com Dinner Spinner: If the question is "What are we having for dinner?" this free AllRecipes.com-powered app will let you choose recipes based on main ingredients, what you have on hand, and how much time you can spare for food prep. Or let it randomly selected meal plan for you.
• Sit Or Squat: When a parent hears "I really gotta go!" finding the nearest bathroom has to happen fast. Using your current location it gives you the nearest options, stats on cleanliness, changing tables and handicap-accessible facilities—mark your favorite toilets for quick returns.
• AirMe: You no longer need to wait until you get home to start sharing photos from birthdays, sporting events or school plays. Use AirMe to upload instantly to Photobucket, TinyPic, Flickr, Facebook, Twitter, or Picasa without the hassle of file transfer or e-mail, and without the cost of an external gadget.  
• myLite Flashlight: Never lose a pacifier in a dark movie theater again with this app that uses the screen to emit white light. This free app has a straightforward series of settings to control light color and brightness.
• Remember The Milk: This popular and effective list-making and task-management Web site, has a complementary mobile app free to the site's paying members to help keep things sorted when you're shuttling between work, home, and your family's numerous appointments and activities.
• iTalk Recorder: This limited free download allows you to record and store numerous sound files for later use. Files upload easily to you.

This list is by the editors of PC Magazine. iPhone users, what do you think?

My Great Big Fat Weekend in the Big 'D'

I've always appreciated Marcia. Well, almost always. But this past weekend the appreciation was manifold!

Up until now, I've been the solo parent for no more than a single night. This weekend Marcia went to an unofficial college reunion and was gone four days. Yes, readers, FOUR DAYS! [Insert violin music here.]

At the same time, my G-dmother, who lives in Dallas, was celebrating her 75th birthday by doing her bat mitzvah. Much of my family was attending so I loaded up the kids and drove to the Big D.

As you might already know, the bar/bat mitzvah ceremony is traditionally a coming of age ritual. The adult bat mitzvah has become more common in recent years because most of Judaic history was not as Equal Opportunity as today's Judaism. Aunt Elise started studying Torah a year or two ago. Her children, her grandchildren, her brothers-in-law and cousins and all done their bar/bat mitzvah, and she decided that she could do it too. And so she did.

The service was very beautiful. The musicians played guitar, flute, and drums, the singers were all women, and the songs were more like Debbie Friedman compositions, rather than the traditional cantorial style. And although Aunt Elise, through date of birth and luck of the draw, got the most boring Torah portion ever, she somehow still managed to deliver a poignant, thought-provoking, and moving sermon.  Congrats, to my wonderful g-dmother!

As for solo parenting, the challenges were many, but nobody got hurt. At the hotel, my brother told me in the first hour that one his goals for the weekend was to give his kids (four of them, twins Pearl's age and twins Carrie's age) as much pool time as he could so they'd be comfortable in the water before starting swim lessons next week. That sounded good to me so I quickly adopted this goal for our family and spent many hours in the water.

The benefits of this plan were (at least) two-fold. Not only do the girls seem ready to become starfish next week, but they were also SO tired by bedtime that they didn't even miss Marcia. At least they didn't mention it.

That, friends, was my Marcia Appreciation Weekend.  On Monday (Memorial Day) we were all happy to be reunited in H-town.

Photos by David Reagler (a.k.a. Dad/Pop)

In the Jungle the Mighty Jungle the Lion and the Cheetah Fight!

In a previous post, I told you about how the girls like to dramatize their stories. Here are a few shots from tonight's tale. Carrie was acting scary; Pearl was on a whirl. Even the cat got into the act.

Don't be afraid, gentle readers, it's all pretend.

More About Storytelling for Preschoolers: Dictation

Last week I started writing about how, in our family, we like to act out favorite books. Another fun way to help your preschoolers enjoy storytelling is through dictation. Dictation works well with young children because often their ability to tell a story far exceeds their ability to physically write it down.

To start, we usually offer: "If you'd like to make up story, I'd be happy to write it down." Often they refuse. We don't pressure them. When they are interested in storytelling, we get down on their level and set it up so they can see the paper. We write as they talk.

Carrie likes to hold set up plastic animals and she moves them around as the story develops. Don't worry if the story makes little sense or if the child makes mistakes, saying, for example, that a cow laid an egg. Corrections often stop the story. In order to encourage a young storyteller, it's important to listen and, during pauses, ask questions.

Here is an example of a poem that Pearl "wrote" last week. Marcia let her choose a picture from a catalog or magazine that she liked. Pearl chose the one she liked best and pasted where she wanted it on the paper--she chose the color too.  Pearl told Marcia what to write.

The woman who can fly is very courageous. She shows people how brave she is by jumping off houseboats or ships. She soars through the air and is very courageous to be such a woman who can soar through the sky like a bird. Oh my, oh my, the woman who can fly!

by Pearl, age 5

Once the story is done, we read the story to the child, pointing to each word on the page. After each sentence we ask if we "got it right."  Let your child know that she can make changes, if she wants.

At first the words your child tells you may not be stories at all. It's possible you will get a list or random observations. Don't worry. Later, when the dictation process develops into stories, you can even invite the kids to act them out!

** The ideas reflected here come from my work with the Rice University School Literacy and Culture Project.

Blogging for LGBT Families Day 2009 is Coming Soon

Get ready, get set! June 1st is the 4th annual Blogging for LGBT Families Day. Anyone can participate. Get the scoop at Mombian and say hi to Dana while you're there.

Drama for Preschoolers

Imaginative play is the favorite activity here in Grrrlville. It is even more popular than television (maybe because we have no cable or reception?!).

When Pearl and Carrie were toddlers they liked to "tell stories." At first they used plastic animals and human figures as characters. They would tell the stories, and we would all move our characters according to what they said. Papa Pig gives birth to baby T-Rex?  No problem. Little girl celebrates her birthday inside of a tea cup with Alice? Sure.

Their favorite stories when they were young were:

• character has a birthday
• character has to go to the doctor
• first day of preschool
• trips or adventures

We like to incorporate into the stories messages that our children might resist otherwise. Perhaps the mouse should try using his words before devouring that lion?  It also gives us a chance to help them expand their vocabularies and knowledge without actually instructing. As we run from the ottoman to the door, our characters "dash" or "flee" or  "gallop" or even "fly."

Now that they're older, Pearl and Carrie have graduated to "acts." We did not initiate the transition. Pearl started it, and of course Carrie followed close behind her. Many of these acts start with characters from books or movies that they know well. Instead of using the toy animals as the characters, they act out the parts.

A great way to start drama with your preschoolers is to offer them the chance to act out some favorite books. Let me warn you, however, that when it comes to acting, all books are not equal. Sometimes a favorite book is a real dud on the "stage." Our girls loved Time for Bed by Mem Fox when they were young, but it didn't work very well for acting because there's no plot.

This is how we do it. Read the book once. Ask "Who are the characters?" Once this is determined, reread the book.  Then ask, "What character would you like to be?"  Then reread the story pausing after each sentence or page so that your kids can act it out.

Here are a few books that have worked well for us:

Click, Clack, Moo: Cows That Type by Doreen Cronin

Buster by Denise Fleming

Amazing Grace by Mary Hoffman 

Whistle for Willie by Ezra Jack Keats

Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak

For younger children or children who are hesitant about this kind of play, some good books might include:

From Head to Toe by Eric Carle

My Many Colored Days by Dr. Seuss

Here are a few guidelines that have worked well for us:

* no props or costumes unless they're made by your child

* let your child be the director and ask him/her where to stand and what to do

* instead of making suggestions, model

* no corrections from the parent, unless safety is involved

I learned the core elements of this activity from my work with Rice University's School Literacy and Culture Project. If you're interested in the pedagogy, it comes from books by Patsy Cooper and Vivian Paley.

Your feedback is welcome!

[illustrations are from Whistle for Willie by Ezra Jack Keats

The Other Mother Recommends: Art Projects for Kids Blog

Pearl and Carrie are now old enough and occasionally even willing (!) to do an art project with me.  The way it works is: I ask if they'd like to do a project. Both say NO with great conviction. Then I say that's okay, and I start working on the project myself. At some point they begin to get interested and usually they join in.

Sunday we made bead necklaces.  I have been admiring (and waiting patiently until I could utilize) Kathy Barbro's blog Art Projects for Kids. It's dreamy! Kathy often derives her projects from real artists or from real artistic techniques. My sense is that these projects bring out the best and most creative from the child, and the end products are often very beautiful.

Charlie Chaplin, Jimi Hendrix, and Pearl

Ever since we noticed that Obama is left-handed, we’ve been thinking about our older daughter Pearl.  She came out of the womb favoring her left hand.  In her first Montessori class at 6 months old, the instructor noticed that Pearl would start her crawl with her left leg.  We were impressed, but we’d already guessed as much.  She grabbed the cat’s ears with her left hand, made the sign to breastfeed with her left hand, and waved goodbye to us with her left hand.

Pearl and Carrie's donor is left-handed, so we guess that’s where she got it. Of course, Marcia claims that she had something to do with it because she has always dreamed of being left-handed. She associates left-handedness with creativity and originality.  I told Marcia that my brother and sister are left-handed, so maybe I should get the credit.

Regardless of who is responsible, Marcia and I both feel it’s a good thing.  After all, Pearl has some great role models: Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, Helen Keller, Charlie Chaplin, Jay Leno, Mark Twain, Lewis Carroll, Carol Burnett, Paul Simon, James Baldwin, Jimi Hendrix, Paul McCartney, Dick Van Dyke, Kurt Cobain, Angelina Jolie, Diego Maradona, Mark Spitz, John McEnroe, and of course, Bart Simpson.  

Are YOU left-handed?  Any thoughts on left-handedness?

Sunday Morning in Grrrlville

It's a quiet Sunday morning in Houston. The weather is cold again--46 degrees. Marcia is walking the dog at Memorial. Riah the cat has been sick.  She's 20 years old, and I'm not sure how many lives she has left. The humans in our family are all recovering from sinus infections, coughs, and colds. Pearl is doing a puzzle without the frame. Carrie is playing with a toy dog. She has a toy crate for her pet and even lets this dog (often called Alex) play with her blankie. I've got the dishwasher, the clothes washer, and the dryer going, creating a hum. The children sing repetitive phrases to themselves as they work. Carrie's words: "I'll get small before I'm big. " I'm worrying about the cat, my first pet.

Variations on a Theme: Green Smoothies

A previous post on green smoothies generated quite a bit of interest. We have continued to whip them up in our vitamix blender, but it's easy--at least for us--to get into food ruts.  So when I found this list of variations on the green smoothie theme on a list serve, I did a quick cut-and-paste.

* 2-3 cups any greens of your choice, 2 cups papaya, 2 oranges, 3
dates

* 1 handful lettuce leaves, 1 handful mint, 4 bananas, 1/2 cup
water

* Winter Smoothie - 1 cup organic frozen berries (any kind), 2 cups
fresh spinach, 1/4 inch fresh ginger, water

* 1/2 bunch romaine lettuce, 1 cup strawberries, 2 frozen bananas, water

* 4-5 kale leaves, 4 apples, 1/2 lemon juiced, water

* 2 big handfuls mixed baby greens, 2 pears, 2 mangoes, 1 cup fresh
or frozen blueberries

* Choc-mint - 2 cups spinach, 10-12 mint leaves, 3 bananas, 2 Tbs.
carob or cocoa powder, 1 cup water

* 1 handful of spinach, 2 stalks of celery, 2 bananas, 2 pears, 1
apple, 1 cup water

* 1 small handful of spinach, 2 cups arugula, 2-3 mangoes, 1 cup
water

* 1/2 head romaine lettuce, 1 small pineapple, 1 large mango,
1-inch fresh ginger

* 1 handful wild greens (e.g. dandelion), 1 small handful mint
leaves, 3 cups honeydew melon

* 3-4 stalks celery, 2 ripe persimmons, 1 banana

* 1 handful chard leaves, 5-6 kale leaves, 3 large bananas, 1 cup
water

* 1 handful parsley, 3 cups of peeled papaya

Please feel free to add your own ideas as well!

7 Things You Really Don't Need to Know about Me

I was tagged by Christine Martell and feel obligated to reveal to you today seven things you really don't need to know about me.  Where shall we begin?

I have absurdly narrow feet.  For me, buying shoes has never been a bit of fun.

I have balance issues. I can't ice skate or roller blade. In yoga, my standing tree pose almost always is accompanied by a loud "timber"!

I never sleep enough.

 

I steal things. These green numbers, for instance, are stolen from Christine Martell. Nice numbers, yes?  I do not steal tangible things. I've never shoplifted. But I often swipe beautiful jpegs on the world wide web. My blog Big Window is the living proof.

 

The year after I finished my MFA, I read all of Jack Kerouac's books. This year I appear to be rereading them.

 

I like coloring in coloring books. Always have. My favorite of the kids' coloring books are here and here.

 

One day I hope to live on a beach, even if it's just for a month or two.

&&&

And now, to complete this meme, I must tag 7 other bloggers. The lucky winners are:

Susan at Crunchy Granola

Kelly at MsAbcMom

Dana at Mombian

Annie at SprogBlog

Vikki at Up Popped a Fox

VirgoTex

Cake at Whistling Leaf Blower

Setting the Bar

Marcia, Pearl, and Carrie set some summer goals for themselves. You might be wondering how Carrie at age 2.5 could come up with goals for herself.  She didn't.  Pearl wrote them for her.  Carrie has already accomplished her #5, and Pearl, her #4. 

 

The Things They NEVER Tell You #6

Never say NEVER. Because for every NEVER that you utter--EVER--you will be blasted in your face by that scenario, and you will cry.

[This post is part of a series of discoveries I've made--the hard way--about parenting.]

The Things They Never Tell You #5

You will remember things from your childhood that were--for all intents and purposes--lost and gone forever.

For example, when we first brought Pearl home from the hospital in March 2004, we were sleep-deprived of course, and I remember getting up that first morning to bring Pearl to Marcia. I washed my hands in cold water and recollected from years back my father teaching me that when it's hard to wake up in the morning, splash some water on your face. 

Happy birthday, Dad.

The Things They Never Tell You #4

There is nothing more excruciating than assembling baby furniture and toys. In my personal version of Dante, there might well be an entire circle of hell dedicated to the endeavor. The manufacturers of all-things-baby have us exactly where they want us. No one buys more than one co-sleeper, one crib, one bouncy seat, etc.  In the absence of repeat customers, these companies don't care whether the process is doable or the instruction, readable. Even the preassembled toys can be unreasonable, requiring more than 10 minutes of labor to remove them from their iron maiden packaging! Toy and crib makers really bust my buffers.

[This post is part of a series of discoveries I've made--the hard way--about parenting.]

The Things They Never Tell You #3

Self-preservation is one of the most undervalued and necessary elements of effective parenting.

[This post is part of a series of discoveries I've made--the hard way--about parenting.]