Transcription:
I have an Angel
with a song. She has a
butterfly. She trails thunder.
Panthers dart around
her. A velvet mask is
in her hand. Silver breezes
whisper around her. Inchworms
and lemons are swirling
around her too! Her skin is like
the moon shining above her.
Then she fainted! Crash!!!!
P.S. She hit the flower pot.
by Pearl, age 7
Copies of my chapbook "Dear Red Airplane" arrived in today's mail. The book is published by Seven Kitchens Press. I say the chapbook is out--which is true--however it is already sold out. Seven Kitchens is a micro-press, and they specialize in publishing artful booklets in very small print runs. All the copies sold during the pre-order phase. If you'd like to encourage the editors to do a reprint, you can contact them here.
Both girls attended the WITS Summer Camp again this summer. Here's a poem by each of them.
Dragonfly
I see an orange dragonfly
Fluttering softly
Its big eyes bulging like
Punch-out eyes
Four wings, light and see-through,
To help support it
It flutters on many things,
Even my dog!
The dragonfly spins through
the morning sky and
never tells its secrets.
By Pearl, age 7
Horse Brown
I see horses playing.
I hear horses running in the river.
I taste brown marshmallows.
I smell chocolate.
I feel safe.
My color is horse brown.
by Carrie, age 5
Pearl and Carrie are going to writing camp this summer, and Carrie's class did a Father's Day project. Since she doesn't have a dad, this could be tricky or awkward, but she is fortunate to have two wonderful teachers. They know that there are all kinds of families and that Carrie has two moms, also known as Mama and Baba. And so the teachers invited Carrie--all the kids, really--to write about a guy, whether it's a dad, grandparent, cousin, or family friend.
In the past Carrie (age 5) has always chosen to make cards for Pop and Papa, her grandfathers, but this year the lucky winner is... Uncle Russell. Since the girls were infants, Russell has been vying for favorite uncle status. He would whisper in their little ears:
Who's your favorite uncle?
Uncle Russell!
Uncle Russell!
Pearl, Carrie, and Russell have their very own WWF wrestling program, which Carrie mentions in her poem. They have special fighting monikers. It's always Pearl and Carrie versus Russell the Muscle. It's pretend wrestling, of course. Unfortunately, the line about Uncle Russell living in Costa Rica is pretend too (if only!). Carrie's poem and portrait appear below. Happy Father's Day, Russell. We love you!
Recently a friend asked me to help him help his daughter write an autobiography. As adults we have fairly set ideas about the format of a biography or autobiography. They are usually chronological and include set details such as birth, milestones, siblings, and so on. Children, lacking familiarity with the format, often find other more interesting ways to tell about themselves.
For example, a child could tell her life story as a history of her teeth. From toothless baby to tooth fairy, to bobbing for apples (does anyone do that any more?) this might be a fun way to talk about one's life. By focusing the story on a particular slice of ones life, it might make for a more interesting story.
A book that could be used as a model is My Map Book by Sara Fanelli. Each page spread contains an unusual map. This one (below) is labeled a map of my day, with the toothbrush at the left and the night sky on the right. Each strip contains an activity that make a typical day in the life.
At Writers in the Schools (WITS), the map of my heart is another popular model for creative writing that comes from Fanelli's map book.The young writer sketches a heart and fills it with all the things s/he cherishes most.Modeling the brainstorming phase is important.The child uses the sketch to write a story or poem.
If you try this idea at home, please let us know. Happy writing!
There's been a lot of whispering in Grrrville lately, but it's not me--I swear it! The Secret Kitty Cat Club is so secret that I haven't even been invited.
As you may recall, our cat Moriah died in December. She was 20 years old, and I got her when I first moved to Houston. The day she died, Carrie had an idea: let's get Baba a kitten!
Marcia explained to Carrie and Pearl that when someone loses a loved one, you let them grieve for a while. You give them time. And they've been patiently waiting. A birthday kitten, maybe that would be the best way?
Well, the plot to buy Baba a kitten has definitely thickened. Pearl seems even more excited than Carrie. The whispering has become almost deafening! And my next birthday, Sept. 22, is not so far away.
The Secret Kitty Cat Club has meetings, minutes, everything. I imagine there's even a gavel and Robert's Rules, although I can't say for sure. According to these notes--which I "borrowed" from the kitchen counter for an hour or so--the big event is in the offing. But until then, I know nothing! And neither do you, okay?
This writing prompt really resonated with Pearl for some reason. Wonder why....
In my crazy hair there are dragons, dogs, and all kinds of things, people, birds, fish and there’s more, a tiger, a lion eating an antelope, bad monsters and good wizards staring at each other madly. All kinds of whales swim in my hair and snakes, so many clams and sea horses and armadillos. A pirate is looking for gold, cats and dogs, rabbits and hamsters, pigs and squirrels, the richest gold, chipmunks hiding nuts, toys, monkeys, peacocks, goo, shells, buildings, too, baboons.
But my crazy hair is impossible to fix!
by Pearl, age 6
If you'd like to try this at home--go ahead, you can do it--here's the book that got her started.
I'm taking a break from blogging for the month of April to focus on my poetry. While I'm away, feel free to follow me on:
I will still sponsor the 2nd annual Blog Reader Appreciation Day on April 16th. More on that event coming soon.
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. That's not exactly what I think, but absence certainly can help put into focus the fondness that you feel. I've been in Chicago this week for the AWP Conference, so I'm absent not only for Valentine's Day but for my valentine's birthday.
Happy Birthday, Marcia. Happy Valentines Day. Thank you for twelve wonderful years, the best years of my life so far. Thank you for your love which is unconditional (I hope) and constant. Let me be your "forever dog."
I love you so much, Robin
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Note: This post is last of five entries, part of a blog carnival celebrating Freedom to Marry Week 2009. If you'd like to check out all the bloggers who participated, see this complete list.
Susan Naomi Bernstein on Facebook
The Birmingham-Luther Family Blog
It's Freedom to Marry week, and equality is what it's all about. The nonprofit group Freedom to Marry has organized activities throughout the week that encourage dialogue between all people.
“Conversations with the circles of people around us are the prerequisite to winning, the key to helping them push past their discomfort, complacency, or indifference to becoming supportive of our equality.”
--Evan Wolfson, Freedom to Marry Executive Director
In order to facilitate these conversations, Freedom to Marry is sponsoring a number of programs,
including 7 Conversations in 7 Days. If you are a blogger, you can kick off the week by joining the blogswarm. Visit Mombian for more information on that.
As you may know, I am organizing a blog carnival this week, as part of the celebration, and YOU are invited. This afternoon I'll post a list of everyone who is planning to participate, so if you haven't done so already, please let me know. Here's the schedule:
Tuesday, Feb. 10... Something Old
Wednesday, Feb. 11... Something New
Thursday, Feb. 12... Something Borrowed
Friday, Feb. 13... Something Blue
Saturday, Feb. 14... Valentine's Day: Celebrate Love
For more complete guidelines, click here.
Often my own response to poverty--my response to seeing a person who's homeless or begging or sleeping on cardboard--is to avert my eyes. This reaction is a complex one which involves judgment and respect and fear and shame. Rather than processing what I've witnessed, I often move mentally a.s.a.p. to an new idea. Pretty much any idea will do.
The exhibit currently showing at DiverseWorks in Houston is called Understanding Poverty. With photography by Ben Tecumseh Desoto and text by Ann Walton Sieber, the exhibit provides us a way to examine our reactions to poverty in a safe space so that we do in fact understand better. Understanding poverty will not solve the problem but it's a smart place to start.
What:
Understanding Poverty
Photographs by Ben Tecumseh DeSoto
Words by Ann Walton Sieber
Curated by Clint Willour
Works by Sarah Whatley Ayers & Forrest Prince
Where:
DiverseWorks, Houston, TX
When:
September 19 - November 1, 2008
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Special Request:
If you blogged about poverty for Blog Action Day 2008, would you please leave the link so that we can read your post? Thanks!
This is the second installment of Meet the Blogger, a series of interviews with some of the bloggers I admire most. Polly Pagenhart is the author of Lesbian Dad.
RR: Hi, Polly. Tell us a bit about yourself.
PP: My kids call me Baba, also Babi (I choose to mentally spell it that way, otherwise it's the youngest kid from the Brady Bunch, and I wasn't prepared for that). In our familial bunch we have living: me, my partner, a daughter, a son, a kitty named Mrs. Mooney. (Do you know the musical Sweeny Todd? "Mrs. Mooney had a pie shop" goes the first half of the line. Then there's more ("popping pussies into pies" is another refrain. It's kind of about reclaiming one's power.) In the ether, and always always in my heart: Maxi, the dog that helped me back from the coldest place I've known.
RR: In a good interview, readers find out things about you that they can't find out on your website. To that end,
I must ask: what's best snack ever?
PP: Hmm. I'll have to think about that. A friend plops salsa in a bowl with cottage cheese, and then scoops it up w/ tortilla chips. That works pretty nicely. With more time, a quesadilla with just about anything in it (in the cheese and vegetable dept) is always a hit. My mom made a dip with cream cheese and chutney, and so that, scooped with Wheat Thins, reminds me of her. Making it a heavy duty contender for "best."
RR: Could you talk about a few favorite books or authors?
PP: Gosh. I've read so little since the kids came along that many of these will be people I came to love before becoming a parent. Joan Didion got me to fall in love with the sentence, the essay, the mind as it weaves itself around the task of conveying essential truths with the written word. Thereafter also, authors I love, in no particular order: Virginia Woolf. Paule Marshall. Sarah Schulman. Audre Lorde. Adrienne Rich. Pablo Neruda. Mary Oliver. David Gutterson. If I started trying to name favorite books I'm afraid I'd get myself in trouble. Though I do want to say that Adrienne Rich's "Women and Honor: Some Notes on Lying" is an enormous gift. As is most of her poetry. Audre Lorde's essays account for most of my proper awareness of the world. Sarah Schulman, in Rat Bohemia, accomplished something amazing. I think if every family member of every LGBTQ person read it, lots would be different. Or could be. What can one say about Didion? Except when poet Gary Soto asked me to read her Slouching Towards Bethlehem in a high school enrichment class, it changed my life.
RR: That's a wide ranging list of writers! Tell us about your academic and/or writing background?
PP: Dear me. Too much of it, I fear. Or maybe just enough. In college (UC Berkeley) I majored in English (minored in Ethnic Studies) and tutored writing and led writing workshops. In grad school (Minnesota), I taught composition as well as Women's Studies and American Studies. The original idea was to get me a Ph.D. in American Studies (Feminist Studies minor) and become a professor somewhere, but plans kind of shifted (that's a whole interview in itself). I did leave with an M.A. and a life partner, though. Not too shabby.
RR: When you first started the
blog Lesbian Dad what was your mission and how has it changed over time?
What do you hope to deliver to your audience?
PP: Great question! Initially, I wanted to work out some ideas about what a "lesbian fatherhood" might be, if indeed there was one. At the least, I wanted to find company in the fairly specific parental place I felt I existed: a lesbian co-parent who was socially & not biologically connected to her kids (where the partner was bio), and one who chafed at "mother," for a host of reasons, most of which gender identity-related. A blog provided a venue in which to think out loud about these things and gather people around me who knew better and could school me (and anyone who listened). I actually first thought it would be a kind of a discussion forum that I would merely moderate, but I soon discovered that -- news to me -- it's fairly easy to launch a solo blog, and people who wanted to talk a LOT about the subject of their parenthoods tend start their own blogs. I didn't have the energy or the time at the outset to begin as a group project, and that might have made a difference, too. Also, I discovered that many other people prefer to converse and comment in response to another's catalyst, and are happy with that degree of contribution.
RR: How does blogging compare to other types of writing you've done in the past?
PP: Great question! (I suspect I'll preface all my answers to these questions this way.) It's like my epistolary voice (!), but public. Which makes it some kind of cross between my most informal, breezy writing in letters to friends and a polished essay. Probably both writerly voices appear (formal and informal), depending on the subject matter. Blogging is unusual, for certain, in the degree to which it is public, instantaneously, and a dialog as well. I've written in some public venues (academic essays for journals or anthologies, op-ed pieces, a personal essay in Confessions), but feedback on that stuff comes so slowly. And it's not even really part of the form, that it anticipate dialog from readers. At most, I'd bump into someone at an academic conference, say, and hear they were using an essay of mine in a class. Or find, after the advent of the World Wide Internet, that someone was referring to an essay.
But
of course with blogs, the impact is instant. Most exciting is that it
is for the most part supposed to be a conversation! A blog is a DIALOG,
not a MONOLOG. ALL CAPS, BABY. That is a thrill, and what so much
writing (tacitly) aspires to. Or rather, I'll say that I would always
want my own writing to spark some kind of dialog. It's a privilege to
be able to hear that dialog going on, and even be a part of it.
RR: What are your favorite children's books (yours and opposed to our kids')?
PP: Hmmm. There's a crop of books that touched me as a kid, and then some that I like as a parent. From my own childhood, I'd still say Winnie the Pooh is a sentimental favorite. The kids aren't old enough for Harriet the Spy yet, but I can't wait. A number of more obscure ones just happen to touch cords of memory, like Tico and the Golden Wing, for example.
RR: What's the strangest thing that's happened to you since you became a parent?
PP: Now
that's an interesting one. Mmmm. Well I'm not sure this is as strange
as it is interesting to me. I've realized that I am connected to so
very many very different people, by virtue of our common parenthood.
The simple fact that we both are parents to children provides a point
of contact that would never otherwise have been there. Experiencing
that has been really a phenomenal, fairly unexpected part of becoming a
parent. Totally didn't anticipate that, and -- other than the
incredible experience of witnessing the development/ self-realization
of two different human beings -- it may well be the best thing about
this gig.
RR: You've won a number of awards for Lesbian Dad. What do you think the blog offers its readers?
PP: Well!
I would have had a harder time answering this question if I'd have
responded before the results from my reader survey came rolling in, or
before I went to BlogHer and got a wider sense of women's communities
online. But now I can do more than speculate. I
would have initially thought that a blog like Lesbian Dad might keep people
like me company -- offering the betwixt/between gals an example of
someone else who was parenting from this gendered standpoint
(both/and) and doing just fine. I might have hoped that it would also
offer straight readers an opportunity to listen in on our
thoughts/feelings/
But
I've been very pleasantly surprised that a lot of folks just like good
writing for its own sake. Great news, eh? For its own sake. Gives
us all something to strive for.
RR: Would you like to add a question that I haven't asked?
PP: What
fun! Gosh. Well, the first thing that occurs to me is a question that
I asked folks in the survey I did in a recent survey of readers,
which was essentially: What do you get from the online communities of
which you are a part? To which I'd answer: so much, and so much more
than I would have expected! I feel like I've had the opportunity to
learn how many commonalities there are across lesbian and lesbian
parenting experiences in different countries (in the UK at least, and
Australia).
Also, I've come to consider that we really can help one another a great deal using this medium. Being able to carry on a conversation across such distances and so many differences, all mediated not by publishing conglomerates, or limited by physical logistics (how long it takes to get a letter from here to there, much less gather multiple voices into it). We're still limited by human emotion -- the ease with which we can misunderstand each other, peoples' tendencies to gather into clumps of like groups. And online spaces are definitely communities, governed by etiquette and expectations and so on. It's easy to only learn these things after inadvertently stepping on toes. But what we can do with and for each other in this realm is so worth it. I think the community building you do is probably the best example of that.
Storytelling is one of those primal experiences, and I think that by trying out both the telling and listening roles, children get an early introduction to literature that is powerful and memorable. I mentioned Pearl's adventures in bookmaking last month, and my friend Doodaddy kindly asked for a peak at one of them. So I set up a photo album so that you can see a sample six-page tale. The writing is done by dictation, although Pearl did write her name and "The End." When we shared this book with Pearl's cousin Maya, she (Maya) immediately wrote and illustrated one herself. It was really good too!
In no particular order...
1) Nana flew home Saturday after two weeks with us. We have been campaigning to get Nana and Papa to move to Htown. No such luck, so far. Your strategy suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
2) We planted herbs, beans, and marigolds in pots on our back porch.
3) My friend Faith died three weeks ago, while battling cancer, chemo, etc. for the second time. It seems unreal. Death seems unreal, doesn't it?
4) I submitted a chapbook manuscript to a poetry contest. Although the poems are not new, I'd never combined them in a sequence together. I don't remember ever submitting a chapbook for publication before either.
5) Carrie is making major progress, both in her speech and in her potty training. Hurray for Carrie!
6) I want a puppy. Pearl wants a puppy. But keeping in mind what happened with Jake, I think we're going to wait until Carrie is a little older.
7) Marcia and I got to hear the author of Persepolis, Marjane Satrapi speak. She is brave and funny and smart, a wonderful storyteller.
8) I may become addicted to lettuce wraps this summer.
9) Marcia knows a whole lot about ice cream trucks.
10) Let me know if you want to play Scrabulous on Facebook. I'm very addicted to it.
But (more than) enough about me...what's new with you?
Last week Marcia and I led a poetry activity with Pearl's preschool class in celebration of National Poetry Month.
We were a little hesitant about this venture because neither of us has experience in teaching this age group. Also the fact that the kids range in age from 3-7 years old made us a little anxious.
Our trepidations turned out to be unwarranted, however. The children had great fun coming up with their own line for the collaborative writing project we chose for them.
We divided the class into two groups to do the writing (dictating, really) on long rolls of paper. Then each group presented what they had written to the other. We'd defined a poem as a gift made out of words, so this fit into the plan nicely. They laughed and cheered for every line.
When we were done, we combined the two banners filled with words, and the class poem was born:
Olivia is a butterfly flying to a leaf to lay her eggs.
Charlotte is a unicorn flying and playing with her friend.
Liliana is a horse eating hay on the farm.
Alex is an ant biting a kid.
Gillian is a dragonfly flying in the sky close to the roses.
Angela is a blue butterfly laying eggs on a rubber tree.
Zachary is a lion eating a zebra in the forest.
Lucia is a baby zebra playing with her mom and then sleeping.
Pearl is a cheetah running to a cave with hyenas.
Brandon is an elephant eating hay in Africa.
Charlie is a T-Rex laying eggs in the grass.
Jean Luc is a shark eating a fish in a secret hiding place.
Ana Sofia is a horse with a baby eating hay on the farm.
Thomas is a cat sleeping in a house.
Ryan is a silk worm hanging like a spider.
Jacob is a big horsey at the farm eating apples with raisins.
Sydney is a koala eating apples and bananas in a eucalyptus tree.
Ethan is a cheetah thundering after an antelope in the wild.
Anna is a happy baby unicorn stuck in a tree.
Jan is a monarch butterfly laying eggs on a man’s head!
After we finished, I rushed off to work. Marcia decided to hang around because Pearl didn't want to miss recess, her "favorite subject." Marcia said that as the kids played, they remained their animals, galloping and racing about. As the excitement grew, some of the kids began declaring to the children in the other class: I am a poem, I am a poem, I am a poem!
I mentioned a few weeks ago that Pearl's best friend was moving away. Today we heard from him (with his mom's help, of course) for the first time.
Hello Pearl,
I love you, I miss you. I have a lightsaber already.
how is the school going? what are you playing in the playground?
I am still in the hotel. I am having fun with my mom. I am playing tennis.
dfrt (I am done)
It was night time when we got in the airplane, everybody had to sleep for a little big and when we got there it was morning time. That's all.
Hugs,
Alex
Pearl wanted to write back immediately. Marcia dictated exactly what she said.
Alex,
I miss you so much. I'm playing lots of stuff with Liliana on the playground. We have played hyenas today. And Alex, I have missed you so much that I haven't wanted to go to school for a long time. We still go to the same school. Carrie is going to go to my school next year. We haven't gone to the zoo. I already had my birthday. I'm sorry that I didn't invite you. I'm having fun with my two mommies and my sister. We've been telling stories for a really long time and filling up my 100-page book. Alex, I love you soooo much that I don't want to play with Liliana sometimes. We wrote some things that I want to do when I'm mad, like have a fight with hyenas or get really intolerable or stomp around or do exercise or come up with ideas. Goodbye, Alex.
From Pearl, I love you.
And they're barely four.
[photo by bishop72 via flickr]
Sunday we went to a going-away brunch for our friends Cosmo and Cake. If you will recall, Cosmo and Carrie are one day apart in age and were born in the same hospital. They are, at times, accused of being twins. We will miss these friends.
The party was hosted by Chuck and Hank. We knew most of the people there. One of the strange things, though, is how many of the people there have blogs. Or is it strange? Do most of your friends blog?
I enjoyed reading Ariel Levy's essay about her lesbian wedding featured in the Sex and Love issue of New York magazine. Levy does a nice job capturing the weirdness of gay weddings, both for the great aunt Mildreds of our lives and also for ourselves. Here's an excerpt:
"I am not a total idiot. I always had the sense to say no wedding cake, no officiant, no first dance, no here comes the bride, no Times announcement, and absolutely no white dress. Who are we kidding? And why? We just wanted a big, awesome party where everyone could meet and go bananas. It’s a special opportunity, you know: The only other time everyone you love will assemble in one place is at your funeral."
The humor of Levy's writing is uplifting. I came away from this essay thinking that if I had realized that "Here Comes the Bride" could be replaced with "Crimson and Clover," maybe I would have pushed Marcia a little harder in the direction of weddingville. Read the whole essay here.
Do you remember in May when an essay I wrote was published in a book by Beacon Press? It's called Confessions of the Other Mother: Nonbiological Lesbian Moms Tell All, edited by Harlyn Aizley. Well, that book was nominated for a Lambda Literary Award. But even better than that, it is a finalist.
The Awards Ceremony will be on May 31st in NYC. You can see the complete list of finalists here.
There is a Jewish proverb, "A mother understands what a child does not say." I thought this was true until I had children of my own.
I'm having a head-achey time of it, and I'm not so sure what to write about this week. Please ask me a question to give me some direction.
As a blogger and as a writer, I have met face-first the empty slate that stays and stays that way. Some folks call it writer's block. Today, however,
I am inspired by psychoanalyst Adam Phillip's essay on inspiration. Here's an excerpt:
....And yet inspiration is a word no one is shy of using now, even though they are not that keen to explain how it might work. It is the kind of magic that people like to believe in, perhaps especially now, in a culture where money can buy virtually everything else of value, and science and technology can create or invent the things we most need. Inspiration, in other words, is a kind of God-term; it refers to something we think of as essential but that we can't, or may not want to, understand. As Eliot suggests, it is like a visitation from something profound and incomprehensible. It reassures us, or at least reminds us, that some of the best things about us are beyond our control.
Whatever it is that feeds us our best lines - the gods or God, the unconscious or the genes, the class war - it is something we depend upon but cannot command. Like God's grace, inspiration doesn't respond to our need or our greed for it. It is not a resource we can exploit; and it doesn't look as if, at least as yet, science or technology can help us get more of it.
Source: Observer, March 12, 2006
Today I'm back to work after two weeks with the expansion family. Once again I want to tip my proverbial hat to you stay-at-home-moms. Having a "real" job is a whole lot easier.
It was really hard for me to write anything about the famiy while I was home. The words just weren't coming to me. Maybe I need a little distance from the scene, in order to figure out what I want to say.
Here's a picture of Carrie taken this past weekend. She's still wearing "preemie" pajamas, but she's filling them up more and looking healthier and happier.
I really like this editorial by Cooper Munroe so I've posted the entire piece from the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. Cooper is one of the DotMoms (and so am I). Especially after that irritating article published by the New York Times a few months ago, this essay is one that makes me cheer hurrah!
Sunday, July 24, 2005
Every parent should have a blog.
Even though nine months ago I had to Google the word to learn what one was, I have since found that blogging adds an extra, valuable layer to not only how I parent my four young kids but also how I see myself in that role.
A friend, Emily McKhann, suggested last November that since we don't live in the same city, but both love to write and would like to be more in touch, we start a blog together. After the Google search, which turned up interesting writing on many topics, including parenting, I agreed.
It was a perfect fit. Writing a blog -- also known as a web log -- offers what is often out of reach for me, and I would guess, many other parents: a place to notice and make sense of the ins and outs of the day-to-day of raising kids, and, simultaneously, a way to find real, like-minded people, in similar, child-rearing situations, from all over, who, more often than not, provide not only insight, but a compassionate, listening ear.
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Stacy Innerst, Post-Gazette Click illustration for larger version. |
There is a study I read recently that found one thing parents say they need to feel successful in child-rearing but rarely get (at least in satisfactory doses) is a support system that provides meaningful conversation and positive feedback.
So, if we work all day, or our friends, mothers, brothers or sisters work all day (or live in another time zone), then shuttle our children to activities all evening, and, for good measure throw in chores and community obligations, where do we find the time to have productive conversations on parenting, or any subject for that matter, with other adults, including our partners?
Julie Moos, managing editor at the Poynter Institute, a journalism education organization, and editor of DotMoms, a collective of "mom" writers, to which I contribute, points out that since we are a much more mobile society, we have less time to connect.
"We don't necessarily live where we grew up or where family is or friends are. There is a great deal of mobility in the workplace. It is our mobility that makes it increasingly difficult to find the company we need. Blogging is at our convenience, which is huge for people. You can create community in your own time," Moos said.
Twice a day the baby sleeps and, with the older kids in school, I am in nap lockdown with only our dog Otis for company. When I am finally out of the house talking with other parents, it usually goes this way: "What does Heidi want for her birthday? Did I RSVP?" So, when I get the chance, like nap time or nighttime, I post to our blog, Been There about subjects ranging from end-of-the-school-year craziness to Tom Cruise's rants, and within hours if not minutes, parents -- from around the world -- respond with funny and meaningful comments.
As Mindy Roberts, who writes the Mommy Blog and is also a DotMom, says, "In a blog, you not only get to compose your thoughts (hopefully with a glass of wine late at night), you get to do it in a stream without interruptions."
And, blogging is easy.
I am not new to the Internet and I have used it regularly for parenting information since our first child was born over eight years ago. But to me the parenting Web sites don't offer much "real" information. Chat rooms and message boards with their jargon and threads leave me confused. Blogging is not only accessible and something I can relate to, it is simple. It took less than an hour for Emily and me to set up our blog and, believe me, we are two ladies who don't know the first thing about HTML code.
Jay Allen, who writes The Zero Boss, said that although people tend to focus on blogging as a buzz word, it is just the latest technology people have found to connect. "I remember when I was growing up people mimeographing handwritten newsletters. Blogging is a tool that makes communication easy and you can ignore the technical stuff if you want to."
For me it is like visiting a big, fun, friendly neighborhood.
As my co-blogger, Emily, said the other day, "The most surprising thing to me when we started our blog is that participating in this community is so entertaining."
When Emily posted to our blog, "I'd love some help here. I'm feeling starved of initiative and want to interject more laughter and silliness into my day-to-day with the kids," Becki King, from the blog Adventures of a Nervous Girl, commented almost immediately. "First, please don't call Social Services on us. We're crazy, but harmless. My 5-year-old decided that our family members were all part of a spaghetti dinner: he is spaghetti, his 2-year-old sister is meatball, I (mom) am sauce, and dad is cheese. Periodically my daughter will look at one of us and say, 'Hey, Meatball!' and that person looks back and says, 'No, YOU Meatball!' I don't know why, it's not that funny, but it cracks us all up," she wrote.
I have also noticed that with the added, protective layer of the Internet, you can get into meaningful discussions without the typical small talk.
"Especially with some of the subjects we deal with on DotMoms, it can be easier to open up with the Internet as a kind of shield. It offers a way to express what is happening in your life and, if you can find a safe place to do that, it only helps. There is a free spirited-ness to blogging that allows people to connect on many levels," Moos said.
With that said, if all the people I communicate with through our blog and DotMoms lived in Pittsburgh, I would probably not cross paths with many of them. Blogging breaks down barriers and, in many ways, levels the field.
"There is something about communicating via the Internet that allows people to be more real, more raw, more truthful and hopefully more helpful and supportive. The person is offering you help and or advice without noticing your shoes, your stroller, your choice of diapers, what you feed the children, or how well you are minding them. I don't think it substitutes for human contact, but I do think it can cut closer to the bone in many ways that polite interactions cannot," Roberts said.
Blogging also gives parents usable information fast.
When Amy Milgrub Marshall, a DotMom, wrote a post asking for advice about how to get her toddler to sleep in his own bed, she received 18 long comments back. Soon thereafter, she told me, her son was sleeping on his own.
I had to laugh the other day when on her blog Sharbean, Sharlene McKinnon posted a photo of a shrub and asked for help identifying it and she not only got a quick answer (pontentilla) from several people, but also suggestions on how to best care for it.
My husband likes Greg Allen's blog, www.DaddyTypes.com, because, among other things, Allen frequently posts locations of men's rooms with and without changing tables in Manhattan and elsewhere. To Allen's dismay, there are more withouts than withs.
There are naysayers, and Moxie. a New York City-based blogger who prefers not to use her real name, finds silly any negative assertions that parent blogging is vanity or luxury. "Parenting is a defining experience. Writing about it is nothing new, and writing about it in a funny or bitter way is certainly not new. My mom used to sit down at her manual typewriter and plunk out her thoughts about mothering -- she'd absolutely have had a blog if it had been an option. We need the contact, the validation that what we're doing is hard and dirty and worth it."
Being the mother to my four kids is the single most important thing I will ever do and the most valuable thing, ultimately, about writing a blog for me is that I am much more aware of the moments I have with them, and, in turn, am more aware of who I am -- and who they are -- in those moments.
The added benefit is that by going through the exercise of thinking through what occurs in a day and writing it down, I am also creating a permanent record of what life is like while raising them. If I did not have a few hundred people stopping by every day to see what Emily and I are writing about, I likely would not be chronicling in a diary or a scrapbook about the maelstrom of Otis and a snake in a fight to the death (Otis won) or the time our 3-year-old asked the dentist if we could take home the laughing gas.
Someday, I hope, my blog will tell my kids much more about themselves, and about the woman who raised them, than any photo album ever will.
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